SR 840: Exploring Fatherhood and Homeschooling: Insights from a Homeschool Dad – Brandon Beckley, Part 2

“The enemy wants nothing more than to tear families apart… if you break down the marriage, the family falls.” ~ Brandon Beckley

Watch this full interview on our YouTube Channel.

Yvette Hampton sits down with Brandon Beckley, co-founder of Made2Homeschool, who opens up about his and his family’s transition into homeschooling. Discover how active fatherhood plays a pivotal role in a successful homeschool environment. Brandon discusses the challenges dads face, offers encouragement for both moms and dads, and emphasizes the necessity of being present. Perfect for those navigating the homeschool journey or seeking to understand the dynamics of engaged parenting.

Come back tomorrow for the rest of this conversation.

Has the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast been a blessing to you? Support from our listeners allows us provide resources, support, and encouragement to homeschooling families around the world. Would you please consider a year-end gift to support the Schoolhouse Rocked ministry?

logo-button-medium.png

Recommended Resources:

Podcast Note-Taking Guide

Brave Online Homeschool Conference – August 1-3

Made2Homeschool Community

Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

HEART Exam for Homeschool Dads – Davis Carman on the SchoolhouseRocked Podcast

Brave Online Homeschool Conference

 

📚📖 Ready to start homeschooling? 🏠📓

🍿 Stream Schoolhouse Rocked: The Homeschool Revolution 🍿 for FREE today and get the 📖 Homeschool Survival Kit 📖 delivered to your inbox immediately!

❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Are you in need of a fresh vision for your homeschool? Join us for 4 days of Homeschool Encouragement at the Homegrown Generation Family Expo. Use the coupon code PODCAST to save 25% on registration today! 

Discussion Questions:

1. Brandon mentioned that many fathers feel exhausted after working all day, which leads them to disengage when they get home. How did he suggest addressing this issue, and what steps can be taken to encourage dads to be more present and engaged with their families?

2. Brandon cited a statistic from the US Census Bureau about the prevalence of fatherlessness. How does he connect his own experience of growing up without a dad to the broader discussion about fatherhood and involvement in family life?

3. According to Brandon, what role does communication play in a healthy marriage and family dynamic? How can couples improve their communication to better support one another as parents?

4. Yvette brought up the challenge of approaching one’s spouse about their involvement with the family without it coming off as an attack. How did Brandon suggest moms should approach this conversation with their husbands?

5. How does the concept of “filling the gap with trust” impact the way couples might approach difficult conversations about family roles and responsibilities?

6. Both Yvette and Brandon discussed the importance of both emotional availability and physical presence of fathers in their children’s lives. What are some practical ways dads can demonstrate both to their children?

7. The book Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs was mentioned as instrumental in understanding the dynamics of male and female needs within a marriage. How can the lessons from this book be applied to enhance parental roles?

8. Brandon shared a poignant moment about realizing he had never spent a Sunday outside with his kids. How can parents balance the demands of work with the need to be present for their children? What changes might need to happen to strike a better balance?

9. The conversation touched on the concept of “man caves” and personal retreats. How can personal space be balanced with the need for family engagement, and how can families set healthy boundaries around this?

10. Both Yvette and Brandon spoke about the intentionality required in parenting and marriage. What strategies can families implement to identify when changes are needed and to make those changes effectively to support the family unit?

Schoolhouse Rocked Merch

Be the most popular mom in your co-op. Get your Schoolhouse Rocked merch here.

SPONSORS:

CTCMath – CTCMath specializes in providing online video tutorials that take a multi-sensory approach to learning. Creative graphics and animation, synchronized with the friendly voice of internationally acclaimed teacher, Pat Murray, make learning math easy and effective. Start your free trial today.

BJU Press Homeschool provides complete curriculum for preschool through 12th grade with both traditional textbooks and video courses available. Education from a Christian worldview reshapes how children see the world. BJU Press materials teach Christ’s power and lordship through the Big Story of creation.

Apologia – Apologia is a Christ-centered, award-winning homeschool curriculum provider. Our mission is to help homeschooling students and families learn, live, and defend the Christian faith through our print and digital curriculum and online classes.

The Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast is a part of the Biblical Family Network.

 

Connect with us:

@schoolhouse_rocked on Instagram

Schoolhouse Rocked on Facebook

Schoolhouse Rocked on YouTube

@SRHomeschool on Twitter

Schoolhouse Rocked Website (Blog, Newsletter, Support, Store, Movie, and More!)

1
00:00:00,200 –> 00:00:03,614
For men. And I’m not trying to be overly stereotypical here, but it’s true.

2
00:00:03,782 –> 00:00:07,310
We experience the love of our

3
00:00:07,350 –> 00:00:11,174
wives in direct proportion to, at least not

4
00:00:11,222 –> 00:00:14,286
exclusively by, but in direct proportion to how respected we feel in that

5
00:00:14,318 –> 00:00:17,822
conversation. Hey, everyone, this is Yvette Hampton.

6
00:00:17,886 –> 00:00:21,702
Welcome back to the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast. I’m back with Brandon Beckley, and

7
00:00:21,726 –> 00:00:25,550
we’re talking about homeschooling and fatherhood and

8
00:00:25,670 –> 00:00:28,990
their journey, he and his wife’s journey of getting into

9
00:00:29,030 –> 00:00:32,744
homeschooling and how all of that unfolded. So if you missed our last

10
00:00:32,792 –> 00:00:36,016
episode with Brandon, go back and listen to that, and the rest of this week

11
00:00:36,048 –> 00:00:39,496
will make a little bit more sense to you. But before we get back into

12
00:00:39,528 –> 00:00:43,096
our conversation with Brandon, I want to say thank you to our sponsor, BJU Press

13
00:00:43,128 –> 00:00:46,848
Homeschool. If you’re looking for great homeschool curriculum that will truly teach your

14
00:00:46,864 –> 00:00:50,216
kids from a strong biblical worldview, check them out

15
00:00:50,216 –> 00:00:53,912
bjupresshomeschool.com. They will encourage a love

16
00:00:53,936 –> 00:00:57,184
of learning, and they’ll help your child develop a strong biblical

17
00:00:57,232 –> 00:01:00,892
worldview. And they love to be part of your homeschool journey. Check them

18
00:01:00,916 –> 00:01:04,732
out at bjupresshomeschool.com. Well,

19
00:01:04,732 –> 00:01:08,364
Brandon, welcome back to the podcast. Um, I want to talk about fatherhood, and we

20
00:01:08,412 –> 00:01:12,180
kind of left off last, the last episode, talking a little bit about

21
00:01:12,220 –> 00:01:15,692
your role as dad and about you homeschooling your kids right now in the season

22
00:01:15,716 –> 00:01:19,436
that you and your family are in. But I want to talk about the importance

23
00:01:19,468 –> 00:01:23,316
of fatherhood, because one of the things that I think everybody

24
00:01:23,388 –> 00:01:26,930
sees today is one that we look at where

25
00:01:26,970 –> 00:01:30,714
our culture is, and there’s a lot of fatherless homes for

26
00:01:30,882 –> 00:01:34,010
many reasons. But I also see that there are a lot of homes where there’s

27
00:01:34,050 –> 00:01:37,826
a dad in the home, and he’s in the home, and he works hard.

28
00:01:37,858 –> 00:01:41,110
He loves his family, and he works hard to provide

29
00:01:41,570 –> 00:01:44,962
for them. But when he’s home, he feels like he’s just exhausted. And I think

30
00:01:44,986 –> 00:01:48,658
this kind of goes back to, you have a new and different

31
00:01:48,714 –> 00:01:52,162
understanding of being home and being, being the

32
00:01:52,186 –> 00:01:55,786
caretaker of your family and your children. And I think oftentimes

33
00:01:55,818 –> 00:01:59,266
dads don’t understand that. So they come home and they check out

34
00:01:59,418 –> 00:02:03,178
because they’re tired. They’ve been working all day. And what they might forget is

35
00:02:03,194 –> 00:02:06,314
that mom’s been working hard all day, too, and she

36
00:02:06,402 –> 00:02:10,178
desperately, desperately needs his help. So I

37
00:02:10,194 –> 00:02:13,866
would love for you to talk to these dads.

38
00:02:14,018 –> 00:02:17,026
We don’t have a lot of dad listeners, but maybe this is one of those

39
00:02:17,058 –> 00:02:20,650
episodes where moms can, uh, you know, listen with their

40
00:02:20,690 –> 00:02:24,162
husbands, talk to dads about the importance of them being

41
00:02:24,226 –> 00:02:27,554
present in the home. Not just being

42
00:02:27,722 –> 00:02:31,030
home, but truly being engaged with their family.

43
00:02:31,690 –> 00:02:35,362
Everything you said there is actually. There’s so many things you just said that are

44
00:02:35,386 –> 00:02:39,146
super important. Did I take all your points? I’m sorry. Not at

45
00:02:39,178 –> 00:02:42,154
all. I just want to talk about all of them. That’s the problem. Let’s do

46
00:02:42,162 –> 00:02:45,716
it. I’m gonna. If I. If you don’t mind if I take this a little

47
00:02:45,748 –> 00:02:49,596
cumulatively. Nope. Let’s go back because you said something super important. You talked

48
00:02:49,628 –> 00:02:53,276
about not absent dads, but dads who are around but not

49
00:02:53,308 –> 00:02:57,124
present. Right, right. Let’s call them the disengaged dads, maybe. Um, I

50
00:02:57,132 –> 00:03:00,868
was looking up some stats before we jumped in today on kind of the state

51
00:03:00,884 –> 00:03:04,724
of fatherlessness in our country, at least in the US. And there was

52
00:03:04,732 –> 00:03:08,476
a US Census bureau report that said 18.3 million children,

53
00:03:08,548 –> 00:03:12,258
or one in four, are living without a

54
00:03:12,274 –> 00:03:15,870
biological step or adopted father in the home. Wow. Wow.

55
00:03:17,330 –> 00:03:21,178
That’s huge. It’s gigantic. Yeah.

56
00:03:21,234 –> 00:03:24,290
So let’s just take that. That number and say that

57
00:03:24,330 –> 00:03:28,058
75% of kids have some type of father figure. It

58
00:03:28,074 –> 00:03:31,070
doesn’t say biological dad. And that’s a whole other conversation to have. Right?

59
00:03:33,570 –> 00:03:37,418
I’m biased on this big, like, disclaimer. I

60
00:03:37,434 –> 00:03:41,274
grew up without a dad, so I have very strong feelings on this subject

61
00:03:41,322 –> 00:03:45,122
matter. And I know guys who grew up

62
00:03:45,146 –> 00:03:48,882
in our generation who grew up with a dad,

63
00:03:48,946 –> 00:03:51,990
but he wasn’t there. He was either

64
00:03:52,930 –> 00:03:55,710
time wise or just emotionally unavailable.

65
00:03:56,570 –> 00:04:00,386
This is hard, right? Because in the, let’s say, seventies, eighties, and nineties,

66
00:04:00,458 –> 00:04:04,044
especially, men were taught to become more

67
00:04:04,092 –> 00:04:07,852
sensitive, become and even told to be more feminine. That’s

68
00:04:07,876 –> 00:04:11,076
not the right approach. It’s okay to be a

69
00:04:11,148 –> 00:04:14,500
man. Right, whatever. And to

70
00:04:14,540 –> 00:04:18,236
be emotionally available.

71
00:04:18,428 –> 00:04:22,092
It doesn’t mean you have to be soft. It means you have to learn to

72
00:04:22,116 –> 00:04:25,692
communicate, whether you’re a woman or a man, communicate about your emotions. These are

73
00:04:25,716 –> 00:04:28,972
important things to be able to do. Yeah. And what’s an appropriate way to deal

74
00:04:28,996 –> 00:04:32,220
with those emotions? What’s an inappropriate way to deal with those emotions? Because kids are

75
00:04:32,260 –> 00:04:35,188
watching us. The only way that I know how to be a father. I had

76
00:04:35,204 –> 00:04:38,500
a couple positive, real male male role models as I grew

77
00:04:38,540 –> 00:04:42,228
up for short periods of time. But honestly, it

78
00:04:42,244 –> 00:04:46,044
was after I got saved in my early twenties that I was driving across

79
00:04:46,092 –> 00:04:49,676
the state one day in the middle of a rainstorm, and I had

80
00:04:49,708 –> 00:04:52,876
this epiphany that for the first time in my life, I had a relationship with

81
00:04:52,908 –> 00:04:56,356
someone who could be the perfect example for a father to me, and that was

82
00:04:56,388 –> 00:05:00,084
goddesse. Hmm. There is no better

83
00:05:00,132 –> 00:05:03,420
example as a father. And I think people who grew up in difficult situations,

84
00:05:03,460 –> 00:05:06,980
especially. Especially men, have a hard time trusting people in

85
00:05:07,020 –> 00:05:10,760
authority or figuring out who. Who to

86
00:05:11,220 –> 00:05:15,004
emulate. We can emulate God. We can try

87
00:05:15,052 –> 00:05:18,812
to be Christ like in our approach as dads. That’s

88
00:05:18,836 –> 00:05:22,594
my first thing. And, you know, you said that

89
00:05:22,732 –> 00:05:26,238
maybe not a lot. A lot of dad listeners, maybe more mom listeners. I

90
00:05:26,254 –> 00:05:29,966
think, yes, there’s something that I could share for the

91
00:05:29,998 –> 00:05:33,630
moms to encourage the dads, but also maybe to understand

92
00:05:33,710 –> 00:05:36,942
the dads better. Um, I think

93
00:05:37,006 –> 00:05:40,782
that most. I don’t know,

94
00:05:40,806 –> 00:05:44,190
this. This is. I don’t have stats on this one, but my gut is that

95
00:05:44,230 –> 00:05:47,998
most dads who are not around, even though they’re in

96
00:05:48,014 –> 00:05:51,686
the picture, it’s not what

97
00:05:51,718 –> 00:05:55,502
they want, but they don’t know how to

98
00:05:55,566 –> 00:05:59,318
do all the things. And I remember as we were trying to go

99
00:05:59,334 –> 00:06:02,006
through my health journey, I was in full time pastoral ministry. It was a very

100
00:06:02,038 –> 00:06:05,798
large church. Busy, busy, busy all the time. Busy. Always gone. Yeah.

101
00:06:05,974 –> 00:06:08,990
And I was on a short term disability leave looking for

102
00:06:09,030 –> 00:06:12,718
diagnoses. And it was a lot of pain.

103
00:06:12,854 –> 00:06:16,060
But one day, I remember I had. This pain had subsided

104
00:06:16,440 –> 00:06:19,648
so much so that I could get up and go outside. And I went outside

105
00:06:19,704 –> 00:06:23,104
on a Sunday with my wife, and I watched our kids playing in the grass

106
00:06:23,152 –> 00:06:26,680
and realized in that moment, my son, who was almost six at the time,

107
00:06:26,840 –> 00:06:30,648
I had never spent a Sunday outside

108
00:06:30,744 –> 00:06:33,660
with my kids while they played, ever. Wow.

109
00:06:36,280 –> 00:06:39,300
And that was. I just will never forget that moment.

110
00:06:40,050 –> 00:06:43,858
And I’m not saying that working hard in ministry is bad. I’m

111
00:06:43,874 –> 00:06:47,150
not saying that at all. I believe man was made to work, sure,

112
00:06:48,170 –> 00:06:49,630
and we should work hard.

113
00:06:51,650 –> 00:06:55,226
But I, who.

114
00:06:55,378 –> 00:06:58,378
All I ever wanted was to have a family, to be a husband and a

115
00:06:58,394 –> 00:07:02,190
father, was doing the same thing.

116
00:07:03,810 –> 00:07:07,416
I didn’t even realize it. And I think that in the

117
00:07:07,448 –> 00:07:11,248
same way as I’ll speak, my wife might listen to this later and

118
00:07:11,264 –> 00:07:14,352
say, no, you’re wrong, but we’ll find out. But I think in the same way

119
00:07:14,376 –> 00:07:17,456
that she focuses on different things than I do, she focuses more on the home.

120
00:07:17,488 –> 00:07:21,256
That’s just what she loves. She might notice that all these

121
00:07:21,288 –> 00:07:24,328
things aren’t organized and this needs to be put away, and we haven’t meal prepped

122
00:07:24,384 –> 00:07:28,128
and not notice the kids needing attention. I think it’s.

123
00:07:28,184 –> 00:07:31,880
Everybody just doesn’t notice the time that’s slipping away from them

124
00:07:31,920 –> 00:07:35,412
so fast. Yeah. So I think that

125
00:07:35,556 –> 00:07:39,260
for the dads, let’s go with the assuming the best first.

126
00:07:39,300 –> 00:07:41,932
Assume the best and assume they want to be good dads. Let’s just go with

127
00:07:41,956 –> 00:07:44,116
those guys. Because I can’t help the guys who don’t want to be good dads.

128
00:07:44,188 –> 00:07:47,852
Right? They’re out there. There’s a lot of them. Yeah, they’re out

129
00:07:47,876 –> 00:07:51,200
there. But the ones who want to be good dads,

130
00:07:51,500 –> 00:07:55,172
I would say, if you’re a mom listening to this and you feel like that’s

131
00:07:55,196 –> 00:07:59,040
your husband, I would just say,

132
00:07:59,340 –> 00:08:03,132
go and tell him thank you for what he

133
00:08:03,156 –> 00:08:06,868
does do for the home and what he does do as a father and a

134
00:08:06,884 –> 00:08:10,636
husband, and ask him if he’d

135
00:08:10,668 –> 00:08:13,996
like to be able to spend more time with the kids, maybe

136
00:08:14,028 –> 00:08:17,508
just, hey, do you wish you had more time with the

137
00:08:17,524 –> 00:08:20,820
kids? Because it may be that he does. Yeah. But

138
00:08:20,860 –> 00:08:24,612
also, I’m an extreme extrovert. If you’re listening to this, you may have noticed that

139
00:08:24,636 –> 00:08:28,280
already. I like people, and I was. I had five services every

140
00:08:28,320 –> 00:08:31,752
Sunday at the church, and I was the guy in charge of just all the

141
00:08:31,816 –> 00:08:35,072
guest experience. Right. So I was always out in the lobby. I was always talking

142
00:08:35,096 –> 00:08:38,928
to people. As extreme extrovert as I am, I

143
00:08:38,944 –> 00:08:42,672
would come home and want nothing more than to hide in a hole and

144
00:08:42,696 –> 00:08:45,904
not talk to people, including. And I don’t like hearing this come out of my

145
00:08:45,912 –> 00:08:49,728
mouth, including my kids. Yeah, but that

146
00:08:49,744 –> 00:08:53,586
wasn’t fair to them. And I don’t know. Every family’s different.

147
00:08:53,618 –> 00:08:56,522
There’s not a one size fits all solution to this. But I think it begins

148
00:08:56,546 –> 00:09:00,194
with a conversation having empathy, and there’s a gap there. Uh,

149
00:09:00,242 –> 00:09:04,030
and this. I’m stealing this from somebody, but this phrase, fill the gap with trust.

150
00:09:05,410 –> 00:09:09,178
If you’re a husband and wife having this conversation, uh, what I would

151
00:09:09,194 –> 00:09:11,986
say it in every wedding that I ever did. Remember, when you have a conflict,

152
00:09:12,018 –> 00:09:15,826
you’re fighting for each other, not against each other. Yeah. Go and fight for

153
00:09:15,858 –> 00:09:19,596
your husband and what you want and what you hope for. Sure.

154
00:09:19,668 –> 00:09:23,508
And don’t assume you know everything he’s thinking and feeling and ask him and

155
00:09:23,524 –> 00:09:27,332
just have a conversation. Assuming that the answer is way better than you think

156
00:09:27,356 –> 00:09:30,044
it is. I don’t know if that’s helpful or better if that even answers your

157
00:09:30,052 –> 00:09:33,892
question. Yeah, no, it is. And not just fighting for each other, but fighting for

158
00:09:33,916 –> 00:09:37,564
your family and your kids, too. I think that’s important. And I think people

159
00:09:37,612 –> 00:09:41,372
don’t sometimes realize that their family needs to be

160
00:09:41,396 –> 00:09:43,920
fought for. Like, we know we’re in this battle,

161
00:09:44,480 –> 00:09:48,016
but where do we stand in the battle? As

162
00:09:48,048 –> 00:09:51,488
moms, as dads, as kids, and we often talk about Ephesians six

163
00:09:51,544 –> 00:09:55,392
armoring up, but we have to armor up for the battle that we’re in. But

164
00:09:55,416 –> 00:09:58,032
we have to know what part of the battle we’re in. You know, where are

165
00:09:58,056 –> 00:10:01,712
we placed in this? And so we are fighting for our families. We’re fighting for

166
00:10:01,736 –> 00:10:05,320
each other. And the enemy wants nothing more than to tear

167
00:10:05,360 –> 00:10:09,180
families apart. And that almost always in the family

168
00:10:09,770 –> 00:10:13,130
almost always starts with mom and dad tearing apart their

169
00:10:13,170 –> 00:10:17,018
relationship first, because if you break down the marriage relationship, you

170
00:10:17,034 –> 00:10:20,714
can break down the entire family so easily. And so the enemy is fierce.

171
00:10:20,762 –> 00:10:24,442
I mean, he is on the attack right now for families.

172
00:10:24,506 –> 00:10:28,266
And so we have to be so intentional. And I really appreciate your take

173
00:10:28,298 –> 00:10:31,882
on that. I appreciate you talking to the moms and just saying, hey, maybe your

174
00:10:31,906 –> 00:10:35,226
husband really does want to spend more time with his family. Talk to him and

175
00:10:35,258 –> 00:10:39,106
ask him, I mean, how many moms ask that question? And then asking the

176
00:10:39,138 –> 00:10:42,826
question, how can we make this happen? What changes do we need to make

177
00:10:42,938 –> 00:10:46,778
so that you can be more present? But it’s hard sometimes, and I’m

178
00:10:46,794 –> 00:10:49,666
just going to throw this out there. As a wife, I know for myself, it’s

179
00:10:49,698 –> 00:10:53,466
hard to talk to my, well, I’m able to talk to my husband

180
00:10:53,498 –> 00:10:57,258
about pretty much anything. But, you know, we’ve been married almost 30 years, and

181
00:10:57,274 –> 00:11:00,154
so we’ve had a lot of practice. But I would say, especially in those earlier

182
00:11:00,242 –> 00:11:04,030
years, if I wanted to approach him about something, it was hard

183
00:11:04,070 –> 00:11:07,770
because it would often come across as attacking him, like, you’re not doing it right.

184
00:11:08,270 –> 00:11:11,422
You’re not being a good dad because you’re not spending

185
00:11:11,486 –> 00:11:15,278
time with our kids or enough time with our kids. So I would

186
00:11:15,294 –> 00:11:17,518
love for you to answer that question. We’re going to go to break, but I

187
00:11:17,534 –> 00:11:19,942
would love for you, when we come back, to answer that question, like, how can

188
00:11:19,966 –> 00:11:23,462
a mom approach her husband in a respectful and loving

189
00:11:23,526 –> 00:11:27,222
way, to say, hey, how can we, how

190
00:11:27,246 –> 00:11:30,952
can we do this better without offending him? So we’ll talk about

191
00:11:30,976 –> 00:11:33,928
that, but first, we’ll be right back. Have you tried

192
00:11:33,984 –> 00:11:37,736
CTCMath yet with your child? Here’s a testimonial from

193
00:11:37,768 –> 00:11:41,488
another happy homeschool mom, Amber said, I’m absolutely

194
00:11:41,544 –> 00:11:45,352
thrilled with CTCMath. It’s a rare find that I’ve used with

195
00:11:45,376 –> 00:11:48,824
my children for more than five years now. I have six children using

196
00:11:48,872 –> 00:11:52,560
CTCMath and each child has found it easy to navigate and

197
00:11:52,600 –> 00:11:56,184
very applicable. Thank you so much for all that you are doing in providing

198
00:11:56,232 –> 00:11:59,962
quality math lessons for my children. If you’re looking for a great

199
00:12:00,026 –> 00:12:03,434
online math program, visit CTCMath.com.

200
00:12:03,562 –> 00:12:06,230
that’s CTCMath.com.

201
00:12:07,730 –> 00:12:11,370
Are you looking for a homeschool curriculum that goes beyond textbooks and

202
00:12:11,410 –> 00:12:14,242
truly engages your children in the joy of learning?

203
00:12:14,386 –> 00:12:18,050
Apologia’s award winning curriculum is written by homeschool

204
00:12:18,090 –> 00:12:21,586
parents to specifically meet your needs and captivate your students

205
00:12:21,698 –> 00:12:24,826
with hands on activities and experiments that make learning

206
00:12:24,898 –> 00:12:28,666
unforgettable. With an easy to follow, open and go format,

207
00:12:28,738 –> 00:12:32,084
Apologia takes the stress out of planning and provides a simple

208
00:12:32,132 –> 00:12:35,420
roadmap that can easily be tailored to your family’s needs.

209
00:12:35,580 –> 00:12:39,036
Explore live classes or self paced courses designed to

210
00:12:39,068 –> 00:12:42,740
accommodate every student’s unique learning style, elevate your child’s

211
00:12:42,780 –> 00:12:46,508
education, spark their curiosity, and nurture a lifelong

212
00:12:46,564 –> 00:12:50,084
love for learning with apologia. Discover Apologia

213
00:12:50,132 –> 00:12:53,868
today Apologia.com. We

214
00:12:53,884 –> 00:12:57,240
are back with Brandon. All right, so before the break, we’re talking about

215
00:12:57,830 –> 00:13:01,390
being, about dads being present and the need for that, of

216
00:13:01,430 –> 00:13:05,270
course, because it’s what every family needs. It’s what every child needs. Every child

217
00:13:05,350 –> 00:13:08,890
needs their dad to be present, not just to provide

218
00:13:09,230 –> 00:13:12,726
food, you know, for the table and a roof over their heads and

219
00:13:12,758 –> 00:13:16,190
clothes for their bodies, but they desperately, and boys and

220
00:13:16,230 –> 00:13:20,030
girls alike, they need daddies. How can a

221
00:13:20,070 –> 00:13:23,828
mom who is recognizing that daddy

222
00:13:23,994 –> 00:13:27,832
maybe needs more of a presence in the home, how can she respectfully and lovingly

223
00:13:27,856 –> 00:13:31,648
go to her husband and talk with him about that? Yeah, that’s such

224
00:13:31,664 –> 00:13:35,376
a good question. I think it really boils down

225
00:13:35,448 –> 00:13:39,296
to the same as it would for any conversation that, you

226
00:13:39,328 –> 00:13:43,008
know, might be contentious. That’s why one of the things I said ahead of time

227
00:13:43,064 –> 00:13:46,720
was, you know, fill that gap with trust.

228
00:13:46,800 –> 00:13:50,456
If and I, one of the things I tried to do was not always good.

229
00:13:50,528 –> 00:13:54,314
Going into what we would call critical conversations

230
00:13:54,442 –> 00:13:58,122
in ministry was try to get in my head that the person I’m

231
00:13:58,146 –> 00:14:01,154
about to go talk to was a son or a daughter of the king of

232
00:14:01,162 –> 00:14:04,890
the universe, who loved them so much, who thought

233
00:14:04,930 –> 00:14:08,698
they were so worth his love that

234
00:14:08,714 –> 00:14:11,778
he sent his son to die for them. And so before I go and have

235
00:14:11,794 –> 00:14:15,538
a conversation with them, can I see that person? Yeah, it’s your spouse. I get

236
00:14:15,554 –> 00:14:18,804
it. You love them, but it’s a different thing. Can I see

237
00:14:18,852 –> 00:14:22,560
them more like the way the Lord sees them

238
00:14:23,180 –> 00:14:26,860
and go in not assuming any negativity not

239
00:14:26,940 –> 00:14:30,660
ever bringing up the past and what’s already happened. These are really hard

240
00:14:30,740 –> 00:14:34,036
things. Like, it’s one thing to say it, but it’s, like, really, really hard to

241
00:14:34,068 –> 00:14:37,740
do that. Yeah. And for men, and I’m not trying to be overly stereotypical

242
00:14:37,780 –> 00:14:41,120
here, but it’s true, by and large, we

243
00:14:41,500 –> 00:14:44,600
experience the love of our wives

244
00:14:45,600 –> 00:14:49,040
in direct proportion to, at least not exclusively by, but in direct

245
00:14:49,080 –> 00:14:52,824
proportion to how respected we feel in that conversation. Yeah. If

246
00:14:52,872 –> 00:14:55,776
I don’t feel respected by my wife, I do not respond well. There’s a great

247
00:14:55,808 –> 00:14:59,616
book about this. I don’t have to rehash the whole thing, but. And if

248
00:14:59,648 –> 00:15:03,456
my wife does not feel cared for by me. Yeah. She

249
00:15:03,488 –> 00:15:06,952
will not respond well. We’ve tested this. It’s true. The book is called love and

250
00:15:06,976 –> 00:15:10,656
respect Egrix, right? Was that. Was he? Yeah,

251
00:15:10,688 –> 00:15:14,280
yeah, yeah. Emerson Egrix. Great book. Read it.

252
00:15:14,320 –> 00:15:18,032
Crazy cycle. It’s real. Yes. So, first and foremost,

253
00:15:18,096 –> 00:15:21,720
if you can’t get your posture right, you know, you’re

254
00:15:21,760 –> 00:15:25,504
not. You’re not gonna get anywhere in any conversation. And I would say that, by

255
00:15:25,512 –> 00:15:28,672
the way, for the. For the husband as well. Right. I cannot go to my

256
00:15:28,696 –> 00:15:31,968
wife. Hey, baby. This, that, and the other thing didn’t happen. What happened here? I

257
00:15:31,984 –> 00:15:35,768
can’t do that. Hey, baby. How are you feeling today? What’s going

258
00:15:35,824 –> 00:15:38,980
on? Do you need anything from me?

259
00:15:39,660 –> 00:15:43,060
Like, I don’t know, just, like, be a human and love that person you promised

260
00:15:43,100 –> 00:15:45,908
God you would for the rest of your life and the same way, husband and

261
00:15:45,924 –> 00:15:48,840
wife. Okay, so start there, and then

262
00:15:49,380 –> 00:15:52,652
try to figure out in your head what questions you can

263
00:15:52,716 –> 00:15:56,320
ask to find what you just may not see yet.

264
00:15:56,900 –> 00:16:00,240
And I think some of those questions are, you know,

265
00:16:00,980 –> 00:16:04,812
what are you dealing with right now? What’s. What’s eating your lunch? What

266
00:16:04,836 –> 00:16:08,662
is just burdening you legit not to be cheesy. How

267
00:16:08,686 –> 00:16:12,518
can I pray for you? Yeah. As your husband or

268
00:16:12,534 –> 00:16:15,850
as your wife? How can I pray for you? Yeah. And then

269
00:16:18,310 –> 00:16:20,450
do you wish you had more time with the kids.

270
00:16:23,190 –> 00:16:27,038
Or with me, your wife? Yes, absolutely.

271
00:16:27,134 –> 00:16:29,670
And I would be shocked. Again, we’re talking about dads who were in the home.

272
00:16:29,710 –> 00:16:33,422
I’d be shocked if 99% didn’t say, yeah, of course I

273
00:16:33,446 –> 00:16:36,640
do. Right. And then maybe just follow up with that. With,

274
00:16:37,980 –> 00:16:41,588
how can I help with that? Not, you need to change some things. So this

275
00:16:41,604 –> 00:16:45,324
is possible. It is what it is right now. Now

276
00:16:45,372 –> 00:16:47,788
you may be in the case where you and I had a little bit of

277
00:16:47,804 –> 00:16:50,756
communication beforehand and the word man cave came up in

278
00:16:50,948 –> 00:16:54,652
correspondence. Yeah. This is the thing. I have. I have thoughts on this. I think

279
00:16:54,676 –> 00:16:58,388
it’s entirely appropriate for a man or a woman to

280
00:16:58,404 –> 00:17:01,896
have a place they can retreat to that is a fortress of solitude.

281
00:17:02,028 –> 00:17:05,728
Sometimes we need that if it’s financially feasible. Doesn’t hurt the family

282
00:17:05,824 –> 00:17:09,560
and doesn’t destroy the family, doesn’t take away from family time. Right.

283
00:17:09,600 –> 00:17:12,704
This is super important. I love that you said boys and girls need their daddies,

284
00:17:12,752 –> 00:17:16,048
right? Like, and their moms. We mean both. This is why the lord made it

285
00:17:16,064 –> 00:17:19,752
this way. Right. Um, my daughter, I want her to

286
00:17:19,816 –> 00:17:23,440
see how I treat my wife so that she knows what to expect. My

287
00:17:23,480 –> 00:17:26,320
son, I want him to say the same so that he knows how to act.

288
00:17:26,440 –> 00:17:29,576
They both need their daddies, and there’s a million more reasons than that. Like,

289
00:17:29,608 –> 00:17:33,360
statistically, kids without a father in the home or a

290
00:17:33,440 –> 00:17:37,216
father who’s present but doesn’t engage are four times more likely

291
00:17:37,248 –> 00:17:41,048
to live under the poverty level as adults. Wow. If

292
00:17:41,064 –> 00:17:43,752
you’re not a christian, take that stat and do with it what you will. That’s

293
00:17:43,776 –> 00:17:47,568
true. That’s a problem. So just engage in

294
00:17:47,584 –> 00:17:51,152
the conversation. My wife and I have entirely different communication styles.

295
00:17:51,336 –> 00:17:54,816
I’m the communicator. She’s not. She’s an internal

296
00:17:54,848 –> 00:17:58,596
processor. I’m nothing. We’ve worked really hard to communicate

297
00:17:58,628 –> 00:18:02,252
and have these conversations because if we didn’t, our marriage would not have

298
00:18:02,316 –> 00:18:05,444
worked. Right. But we made a covenant

299
00:18:05,532 –> 00:18:08,764
agreement with the living God of the universe.

300
00:18:08,852 –> 00:18:12,436
Yeah. And honestly, I shiver when I think of that, because

301
00:18:12,508 –> 00:18:15,092
that I met what I said when I went into the thing, no matter what,

302
00:18:15,116 –> 00:18:18,540
if I don’t feel like I’m gonna do it anyway. Okay, so I’m preachy,

303
00:18:18,580 –> 00:18:21,720
but I think that

304
00:18:22,430 –> 00:18:26,206
if you’re not able to have that conversation, it’s

305
00:18:26,238 –> 00:18:30,062
important to get time with the kids. But that is going to be.

306
00:18:30,166 –> 00:18:33,294
You can push back on me here, Yvette, but I think that’s going to be

307
00:18:33,382 –> 00:18:35,998
difficult as long as you and your husband aren’t on the same page with your

308
00:18:36,014 –> 00:18:39,854
marriage and what the purpose of it is. Yeah. And so if you’re struggling to

309
00:18:39,942 –> 00:18:43,558
identify the way you should engage with each other, I think that’s a really

310
00:18:43,654 –> 00:18:47,502
important conversation to start with as well. And, you know, you talked about sickness and

311
00:18:47,526 –> 00:18:50,462
health. When I would do weddings and I was doing premarital counseling, I would sit

312
00:18:50,486 –> 00:18:53,122
down with a couple and I would literally say, this is a little edgy. I’m

313
00:18:53,146 –> 00:18:56,922
sorry. But I would literally say, hey, imagine you’ve been

314
00:18:56,946 –> 00:19:00,514
married for five years and suddenly your

315
00:19:00,562 –> 00:19:02,310
spouse, wife, or husband

316
00:19:04,250 –> 00:19:06,870
becomes a double amputee or a quadriplegic.

317
00:19:08,010 –> 00:19:11,858
You know how to care for their bathroom needs. Yeah. You have to pick

318
00:19:11,874 –> 00:19:15,546
them up and move them places. You have to drive them to doctors appointments. Physical

319
00:19:15,578 –> 00:19:19,170
intimacy has become impossible. What will you do?

320
00:19:19,830 –> 00:19:23,542
Will you stay? Are you committed to that? If you

321
00:19:23,566 –> 00:19:27,310
will not be, do not marry. Yeah. And if you can

322
00:19:27,350 –> 00:19:31,110
get to that place, then, no, we don’t know what will actually happen. Sure.

323
00:19:31,230 –> 00:19:34,054
But if you can get your head wrapped around, no matter what, I’m going to

324
00:19:34,062 –> 00:19:36,570
love this person, then I think the communication

325
00:19:37,670 –> 00:19:41,478
becomes not easy, but possible. Yeah. Yeah. You

326
00:19:41,494 –> 00:19:45,282
know, you were talking about asking questions to, instead of just saying, this

327
00:19:45,306 –> 00:19:49,154
is what needs to happen. And we talk about that so often on the podcast

328
00:19:49,202 –> 00:19:52,866
with our kids of asking those heart probing questions, right. To

329
00:19:52,898 –> 00:19:56,682
just get into the conversation and understand one another. And I think

330
00:19:56,706 –> 00:20:00,186
that’s just important in the marriage, too, asking those questions, because

331
00:20:00,258 –> 00:20:03,466
sometimes we assume that we know what the other person is thinking or

332
00:20:03,498 –> 00:20:07,042
feeling, and in reality, we don’t actually know what they’re thinking or

333
00:20:07,066 –> 00:20:10,818
feeling. And so asking those questions opens up

334
00:20:10,834 –> 00:20:14,618
a door to be able to have those conversations with one another. And, you

335
00:20:14,634 –> 00:20:18,482
know, I love the book you mentioned, love and respect, and that

336
00:20:18,506 –> 00:20:22,098
book was instrumental in our marriage many years ago, probably

337
00:20:22,154 –> 00:20:25,770
20 years ago, when it first came out. And

338
00:20:25,930 –> 00:20:29,650
it really is important to learn to respect your husband and for the husband

339
00:20:29,690 –> 00:20:33,402
to know how to love his wife. And for the

340
00:20:33,426 –> 00:20:37,266
most part, you know, most couples kind of tend down that road of love and

341
00:20:37,298 –> 00:20:40,730
respect and the need for both of those things. Um, and so,

342
00:20:40,850 –> 00:20:44,530
yeah, it’s. That’s good stuff. Thank you for sharing your heart with that.

343
00:20:44,610 –> 00:20:48,162
And, uh, that’s a lot of. A lot for people to think through, you know,

344
00:20:48,186 –> 00:20:51,810
as we’re trying to navigate this, um, you know, just

345
00:20:51,850 –> 00:20:55,682
navigate family, um, and. And for dads to be present, for

346
00:20:55,706 –> 00:20:59,554
them to be available to their kids and available to their

347
00:20:59,602 –> 00:21:03,346
wives and for wives to help their husbands know how

348
00:21:03,378 –> 00:21:07,048
important their role is in the home, because so many times, I think I. And

349
00:21:07,144 –> 00:21:10,976
to be honest and transparent, I find myself doing the same thing. Like, I take

350
00:21:11,008 –> 00:21:14,488
control of the home and of our kids and of homeschooling and

351
00:21:14,584 –> 00:21:18,144
parenting, because Garrett’s working most of the time, and even though he works from home,

352
00:21:18,232 –> 00:21:21,992
he. He works a lot. And so I take that on, and I kind

353
00:21:22,016 –> 00:21:25,256
of forget sometimes that. Not on purpose

354
00:21:25,328 –> 00:21:28,976
ever, but, oh, wait a minute. I have a partner in this, you

355
00:21:29,008 –> 00:21:32,640
know, and we’re supposed to be doing this together, and so bringing him into my

356
00:21:32,680 –> 00:21:36,530
world of parenting, and. And he participates. He’s.

357
00:21:36,570 –> 00:21:40,306
He’s an incredible father, an incredible husband. Um,

358
00:21:40,418 –> 00:21:44,074
but I’m. I’m grateful for his interest

359
00:21:44,202 –> 00:21:47,674
in being part of our family. I don’t doubt that about Garrett. He strikes me

360
00:21:47,682 –> 00:21:50,458
as a gentleman who has many good dad jokes, and I appreciate that about a

361
00:21:50,474 –> 00:21:53,434
man. He really does. Good jokes are excellent. That is a great love language, by

362
00:21:53,442 –> 00:21:55,978
the way. We’ll add that one. But I. If I can say one more thing

363
00:21:55,994 –> 00:21:59,070
on that. I think, as you’re talking, I was thinking, um,

364
00:22:00,340 –> 00:22:04,036
for the dads who maybe have not just intentionally thought

365
00:22:04,068 –> 00:22:07,252
about it, because, look, it’s out there, right? They just do the thing. They work.

366
00:22:07,276 –> 00:22:09,468
They work. They come home. They spend the weekends, they go back to work. Okay.

367
00:22:09,524 –> 00:22:13,308
Yeah. For those dads, maybe we’re hearing this, or the wives who

368
00:22:13,324 –> 00:22:17,108
were thinking about their husbands as those dads. I think a really good question

369
00:22:17,244 –> 00:22:21,084
is for, if you’re the dad, what was my dad

370
00:22:21,132 –> 00:22:24,212
like if I had 01:00 a.m. i doing the same thing,

371
00:22:24,276 –> 00:22:27,628
probably. And we don’t like that, but it’s true. And if we

372
00:22:27,684 –> 00:22:31,532
are, let’s not ask, am I meeting that bar? Because that’s not

373
00:22:31,556 –> 00:22:35,084
your bar. Yeah, let’s ask. This is the question I try to ask myself, and

374
00:22:35,092 –> 00:22:37,404
I don’t do it all the time. I’m not. I’m not a perfect dad all

375
00:22:37,412 –> 00:22:41,084
the time. I’m not. Let’s try to ask ourselves, I think is what I try

376
00:22:41,092 –> 00:22:44,548
to ask myself, not, am I doing enough? Am I doing

377
00:22:44,604 –> 00:22:47,520
okay? Am I doing the right thing?

378
00:22:48,180 –> 00:22:51,348
Not, is this what my dad. Is this enough? Is this better than my. Not

379
00:22:51,364 –> 00:22:55,172
even if this better. Yeah, probably, is it the right thing? And if it’s

380
00:22:55,196 –> 00:22:58,956
not the right thing, let’s figure out what that is and work toward

381
00:22:58,988 –> 00:23:02,420
it. You can literally go into conversation with your husband or your wife or whatever

382
00:23:02,460 –> 00:23:06,240
and say, hey, are we doing the right thing with our kids? Yeah.

383
00:23:06,540 –> 00:23:10,268
And if not, what do we want our parenting to look like? And how can

384
00:23:10,284 –> 00:23:14,028
we move forward in that? And then you guys communicate. It’ll be great. Yeah.

385
00:23:14,164 –> 00:23:17,204
And I think every single family throughout life, throughout

386
00:23:17,252 –> 00:23:20,980
parenting, has to make changes. I mean, we’ve done it so many

387
00:23:21,020 –> 00:23:24,858
times where you just have to redirect and say, okay, this thing that we’ve

388
00:23:24,874 –> 00:23:28,154
been doing this way isn’t working so well, so we need to take a different

389
00:23:28,202 –> 00:23:31,338
direction. And it’s hard because you kind of get in the rut of doing the

390
00:23:31,354 –> 00:23:35,162
same thing every day, but it takes intentionality to

391
00:23:35,186 –> 00:23:38,362
make the changes that are necessary to do the things that are best for your

392
00:23:38,386 –> 00:23:41,858
family. So anyway, we are out of time, but we’re going to come back

393
00:23:41,954 –> 00:23:45,322
and tomorrow we’re going to talk more about homeschooling. We’re going to talk about made

394
00:23:45,346 –> 00:23:48,858
to homeschool and all kinds of other fun things. So, Brandon, tell people where they

395
00:23:48,874 –> 00:23:52,492
can find out more about you and your ministry. Absolutely. You can just go to

396
00:23:52,516 –> 00:23:56,164
made to homeschool.com. and that’s with a two mad

397
00:23:56,212 –> 00:23:59,700
e to the number two, homeschool.com. see all the things

398
00:23:59,740 –> 00:24:03,268
there? We’re not important. All the moms that run the thing are. You see me

399
00:24:03,284 –> 00:24:06,100
trying to hide in the background again, but that’s where you get all the things.

400
00:24:06,220 –> 00:24:08,652
Sounds great. We’ll put that link in the show notes. And again, if you guys

401
00:24:08,676 –> 00:24:12,364
are interested in signing up for his online conference, it’s not his again, he’s

402
00:24:12,412 –> 00:24:15,724
like he said, he’s the background guy. It’s being run by a bunch of moms.

403
00:24:15,772 –> 00:24:19,100
And there are some great speakers at this conference.

404
00:24:19,260 –> 00:24:21,524
So if you want to be part of it, sign

405
00:24:21,572 –> 00:24:25,364
up at SchoolHouseRocked.com/Brave.

406
00:24:25,492 –> 00:24:29,332
SchoolhouseRocked.com/brave. We’ll put that link in the show notes. Have a great rest

407
00:24:29,356 –> 00:24:32,788
of your day. And if you’ve not yet seen the movie schoolhouse rocked,

408
00:24:32,964 –> 00:24:36,740
check it out. Schoolhouserocked.com. we’ll see you back here tomorrow. Have a great day.

409
00:24:36,780 –> 00:24:37,440
Bye.

410
00:24:40,820 –> 00:24:44,596
You know, our culture has done this thing. I think

411
00:24:44,628 –> 00:24:47,760
it was amplified by COVID lockdown stuff

412
00:24:48,400 –> 00:24:51,856
where we don’t need community or if we have

413
00:24:51,888 –> 00:24:55,696
community, it should only be the community that reaffirms what we

414
00:24:55,728 –> 00:24:58,952
already believe. It should already be the community that makes us, that tells us we

415
00:24:58,976 –> 00:25:02,060
are okay the way we are. Yeah, well, that’s not true.

416
00:25:02,360 –> 00:25:06,136
Community not only supports me in my homeschool journey, community got

417
00:25:06,168 –> 00:25:09,824
me to homeschool. Yeah, right. It was surrounding myself with those

418
00:25:09,872 –> 00:25:13,536
people where I could absorb what they were doing. I started to understand their world.

419
00:25:13,568 –> 00:25:17,236
I started to, it started to be less scary. And in the same way someone

420
00:25:17,308 –> 00:25:20,988
might convert to Christianity, let’s say, because they start spending a lot of time with

421
00:25:21,004 –> 00:25:23,380
christian friends and they see what they live like, oh, I want some of that.

422
00:25:23,500 –> 00:25:25,988
Right? Well, I was spending time with a bunch of homeschool people and realized, oh,

423
00:25:26,004 –> 00:25:26,580
I want some of that.

Related Episodes

CP 196: Best of Culture Proof: Renton Rathbun Biblical Worldview

It’s Culture Proof Conference 2024 Week. Here is a best of interview we did with one of our speakers for this year’s conference Dr. Renton Rathbun. Be sure to visit cultureproof.net Please consider supporting the Culture Proof Podcast. We aim to bring engaging content that will challenge and equip Christians

Listen »
Homeschool Insights Podcast Logo

HSI 667: How do I Foster Leadership in my Kids? Nanette Brown

This is an excerpt from our interview with Nanette Brown on the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast. Watch or listen to the full conversation here. Watch this full interview on our YouTube Channel. Nanette Brown joins Yvette Hampton for a transformative conversation on the L.E.A.D.E.R. framework – a powerful acronym that stands for Love the

Listen »

SR 845: Homeschooling Through the Years: New Series Kickoff! Aby Rinella

“Homeschooling is life. It is raising kids.” ~ Aby Rinella Watch this full interview on our YouTube Channel. In this kickoff episode of our new series ‘Homeschooling Through the Years,’ Yvette Hampton and Aby Rinella discuss the journey of homeschooling children from preschool through high school and beyond. Get a

Listen »

TD 7: David Bahnsen – Work and the Meaning of Life

“God’s character as a worker provides a biblical mandate for humans to engage in productive activity.” – David Bahnsen Watch this full interview on our YouTube Channel Garritt Hampton sits down with David Bahnsen, author of Full-Time: Work and the Meaning of Life, to talk about work, faith, the character

Listen »