SR 857: Homeschooling High School: Strategies for Success – Carrie De Francisco, Part 3 (Through the Years Series)

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We want to work ourselves out of a job. If we do our job right.

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Right. You know, they don’t, we’re fired at the end of it, basically. And

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it sounds harsh, but if we do it right and we follow

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God’s plans for them when we launch them,

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they are good to go. Hey, everyone, this

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is Yvette Hampton. Welcome back to the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast. I

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am so glad you are back with Carrie and I. We are talking about homeschooling

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through the high school years, and this is part of our homeschooling through the years

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series. So if you missed Monday and Wednesday’s episodes, go back

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and listen to those, and those will kind of set you up for today’s episode.

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And it has been such a fun conversation. You know, the high school years really,

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really are fun. At least I hope they’re fun for you. If you’re struggling through

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the high school years, Carrie talked a little bit about this. Maybe take a step

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back and work on the relationship with your kids

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and then maybe just start fresh. Sometimes we have to take a step back, stop

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what we’ve been doing. You know, that whole phrase, like, if you keep doing what

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you’ve always done, you’re going to keep getting what you’ve always gotten. And if

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you’re struggling with your kids and your relationship with them, maybe

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it’s time to switch things up a little bit and take a breather.

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Stop what you’re doing and just say, okay, let’s regroup and

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let’s try to fix this. You know, I know it’s not always as easy as

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it sounds. You can’t just fix things, but use this

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summer to just pray through this and pray what the Lord would have for your

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homeschool and how you can, um, just change things up a little

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bit so that you can have a really happy homeschool high

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school year with your kids. Or maybe leading into it, maybe you’ve got middle schoolers

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and you’re worried about those, those high school years. This is the

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time to really pray and think through how to make those high

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school years really good for them and for you, because you want to enjoy it

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as much as you want them to enjoy it. So, anyway, we’re going to talk

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more about that today. But before we do, I want to say thank you to

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our sponsor, BJU Press Homeschool. If you’re looking for great homeschool

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curriculum, you hear me say it all the time. Check them out

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bjupresshomeschool.com. They have great

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materials that are not just for teaching, but to prepare your child for a

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future full of possibilities. And that’s what Carrie and I have kind of talked about

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this week, is every child has a different purpose in life. God’s

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given them all something different. And so BJU Press Homeschool. They gear their

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curriculum to really help your child thrive in their relationship with the

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Lord because everything that they teach us from a solid biblical worldview,

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and it will help them to discover what they like, what they enjoy, what

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are, you know, their special interests and things like that. And so if you’ve not

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checked them out yet, check them out bjupresshomeschool.com, and if you’re not

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sure what you need for your child, call them up, talk to one of their

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consultants, and they will help walk you through it. Bjupresshomeschool.com.

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Carrie, thank you for being with me again today. I am so excited to have

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you back. And I’m excited about just kind of jumping into this conversation because I

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think one of the most important things with our kids when we’re in

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these high school years especially, is their walk with the Lord. And we

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talk about this all the time on the podcast. Like, in the end,

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all that matters is that our kids have a

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relationship with Jesus, even more important than them having a relationship with

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us. It’s that they love the Lord. They’re following him. They’re living their

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lives on purpose and for a purpose. And so

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how do we help our kids? Because these are hard years, these middle school

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years, and going into the high school years where I, they’re questioning

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everything as they should. It’s how God has created them in these

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teen years. They think they know more than their

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parents know about just about everything. And it’s kind of

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funny because I sometimes feel like I’m behind the scenes going, ha ha. You

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know, you don’t actually know all the things that you think you know, and I’m

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your mom, and I know better than you, but, but you kind of have to

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let them walk that road of feeling

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confident in what they think they know but

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also guiding them in the things that they don’t actually know, if

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that makes sense. And one of those things is their walk with the Lord, is

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that they’re trying to make it their own. They are really

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trying. Hopefully, they’re trying to make it their own. Some kids are

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questioning their walk with the Lord and their relationship with Jesus at this point

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because maybe they’ve been raised in a christian home and

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they, they know all the right things to say they

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can walk the walk of a Christian, they can talk the talk of a Christian,

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but they haven’t actually owned it themselves. And

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so through these teenage years, how can we help our

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kids journey with the Lord and have

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a really strong relationship with him, or at least

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continue to set that foundation so that when they come to that point

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where they start to really understand that their faith is their

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own, it’s not their parents faith. They don’t get to ride into heaven on

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our coattails. How do you journey through this with

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these teenage kids? Because it’s hard sometimes. It is.

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I think the most important thing is that they see us

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walking with the Lord, and they see us

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investing our time to

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make sure we have a relationship with the Lord. So I think

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it’s important that they see us not just studying God’s

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word and praying and going to church and doing all the

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things that believers do, but that

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we walk the walk. And what I mean by that is

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they hear me pray over them and for them,

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they hear my struggles. I ask them to pray for me.

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If I’m a struggling, like, the past couple of years, I’ve lost a lot of

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people through death and relationships and stuff,

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but I have opened up to them about, I’m really

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struggling with this and why the Lord has allowed all

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this to happen. Will you pray with me? Will you pray for me?

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And I think it’s real important that they know

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that it’s okay to question as long as

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you always remember who you belong to.

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Right. And that God is bigger than all of this, and he can

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handle my questions just like he can handle their

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questions. And so I think, first and foremost, they need to see

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us walking with the Lord, even in the hard

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times. Even more so in the hard times.

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I do think it’s very important, and it was one of the advantages. We talked

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about that because you’re homeschooling the high school years, no matter what

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time they wake up, to continue to do either morning

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time together or devotion time together, Bible study together, to

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make sure that that is still a family thing and

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that it’s first. Right. So what I mean by that is

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maybe you’re not a morning person or whatever, but it takes

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priority. So if you want to do it when your husband’s

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home, and that’s at night, okay, so it’s not first thing in the

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morning, but it’s a priority. It’s something that the family does

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all together, because a family that prays together, plays

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together, and apparently camps together, stays together. That’s

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statistics, right there for you. Yeah. So I think that’s important that

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you continue to study God’s word together. And I love

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BJU. They have some great stuff. Master books has some great

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apologetic stuff, and apologia has some great stuff

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for the high school years, but we relied mostly

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on God’s word. So we literally opened up

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God’s word, read it together as a family, talked about

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what the passage was, about, what we learned from it, and most importantly,

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how we could apply it that day. So

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I think that is definitely one of the ways to do it. And then also

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mentors that is such. The high school years is such a

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wonderful time to find other people, like

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minded christians who can speak truth into your

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teens because, yeah, they love us and they like hanging out with us, but enough

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is enough. Sometimes they just want to be around other adults, right?

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Or maybe other adults who have interests that we don’t have or

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strengths that we don’t have. So finding mentors, whether

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it’s coaches or youth group leaders or teachers,

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who can walk alongside your teen as well.

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So when they have questions or they have prayer requests or they just want to

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go hang out and have coffee with someone

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else who is walking the walk, they have other

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people that they can talk to. So I think those

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are a lot of the easiest and best

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ways to help your kids create and build a

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relationship with the Lord. Yeah. That mentorship is

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so vitally important, and I think sometimes, especially as

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homeschoolers, we want to hold so tight to our kids and think that we’re the

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only influence, because I know a lot of homeschoolers, too. You know, they don’t want

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their kids in Sunday school. They don’t want their kids at youth group. They don’t

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want their kids to be part of any other organization. And

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I understand that. Believe me, I understand that. There’s part of me that

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I’m like, I don’t know that I really trust this guy who’s going to teach

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you at this youth group, and that can be really hard. And so, yes, we

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have to still, as parents, be very discerning and who is coming alongside our kids,

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who’s discipling them. But it is so important because it’s how the body of Christ

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works, right? Is to have other people disciple and mentor

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our kids as well. But people that we trust

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to be able to do that, and that can be a challenge to find people

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who we can really trust with the hearts of our children. But

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that’s where prayer comes in. We just pray, Lord, you know, just help

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us. Just bring somebody else about, um,

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you know, and into their lives who can help disciple them in this way. So,

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you know, as they’re. As our kids are getting older, one of the things that

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I have found to be really hard and, and I’m still working through this

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is the letting go process because it’s so scary.

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It’s so scary to let them go, and it’s inevitable. I mean, we can’t hold

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on to them forever. But with your kids, and as you’ve

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observed other families with high school kids, what have been some of the

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healthy ways that you have seen parents be able to

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let go of their kids and enter into adulthood

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prepared as well prepared as they can be? Well, first of

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all, the whole idea of planning with the end in mind. So, you know, you

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want to have a target. So when it is launch day, which is

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very bittersweet, when you launch them out into the world,

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you want to make sure they’re hitting the target. So if you don’t

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have a target, you don’t really have an end plan in mind or

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where you want them to be or what you want them to believe in. They’re

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going to miss the mark. Right. So definitely having

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a that in mind, but also the idea

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of letting go is so hard. And as

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homeschooling moms, we’re involved in their lives

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24/7 so it’s even harder for us

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to let go. It really is. But if we kind of have the

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mindset that the Lord gave them

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us, they gave our kids to us for

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a time. They are his right, and we

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just have this privilege to bring them up during this

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very short, short amount of time, that if

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we have the mindset that we want to work ourselves out of a job,

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if we do our job right,

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we’re fired at the end of it, basically. And it sounds harsh, but if we

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do it right and we follow God’s plans for

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them, when we launch them, they are good

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to go, and they will know what’s the right

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path. They won’t listen to what’s to the left or to the right. They will

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follow straight on. So I think the

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best part and the hardest part of homeschooling the high school years is

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little by little, letting go. And

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so, like, our 9th grade year was always, I always looked at it as our

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training ground year, where I did kind of hold their hand with time

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management and decisions and choices and that kind of stuff.

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But little by little, I gave them more and more

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responsibility and accountability for what they were doing,

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the choices they were making. The things they were learning, how they were doing it,

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the friends they were hanging out with, the choices. And so

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by the time they got to graduation day,

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I really was just their personal assistants that they were

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doing everything really on their own. And I was their

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mentor, I was their guide,

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I was their cheerleader, I was their

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confidant. And they were already

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on that road. And so I think the key is to start letting

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go little by little, because you will be

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a puddle of tears. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

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Launch day happens. Oh, man, it’s hard. This has been such a

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hard, exciting and hard season, you know, because it seems like it’s going

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to be forever until it arrives, and then all of a sudden it’s here and

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you’re like, wait, what? No, I’m not ready yet. Stop. Stop the time, stop

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the clock. And, man, it’s hard. It’s exciting stuff. Yeah.

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But, oh, I think especially for homeschool moms, because we have,

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like you said, we’ve been with our kids through their whole lives. You know, if

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we’ve homeschooled from the beginning, and it is, it is hard to let

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go, so. But also, it’s neat to see the Lord working and doing

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his, you know, working out his plan in their lives. Have you

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tried CTCMath yet with your child? Here’s a testimonial

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from another happy homeschool mom, Amber said, I’m

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absolutely thrilled with CTCMath. It’s a rare find

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that I’ve used with my children for more than five years now. I have six

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children using a CTCMath and each child has found it easy to

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navigate and very applicable. Thank you so much for all that you are doing

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for a great online math program, visit

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ctcmath.com. Are you looking for a homeschool curriculum that goes beyond

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of learning? Apologia’s award winning curriculum is written

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your students with hands on activities and experiments that

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make learning unforgettable. With an easy to follow, open and

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Discover Apologia today apologia.com.

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we are back with carrie. So you were talking before the break

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about how, you know, with your kids, like, one of the ways that you

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released them was to, in those early high school years, 9th

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grade and stuff, was giving more responsibility and giving

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more accountability. What did that look like? Like, talk really quickly. We just have a

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few minutes left, but talk kind of about, like, what

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did those days look like? You know, how did you plan out your week? How

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did you plan out your days with your kids? Because you have to

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kind of plan that into it, right? You can’t plan, okay, I’m going to plan

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every single day and every single second for my kid because

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you’re teaching them to become adults. And so how do you go through the planning

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process of what your year, your months, your weeks and

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your days are looking like with your high school kids? And then how does,

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and how does that change to, from freshman year

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to senior year? Because there’s a huge difference between a

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9th grader and a 12th grader. I mean, the maturity level is drastic.

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Well, once you figure out your course of study, so you definitely want to sit

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down and with your teen and your spouse and figure out,

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like, the four years, what is it going to look like? What are our plans

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for when you’re going to do this and when you’re going to learn this? Once

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you have that, then, and at the beginning of each year, like I said earlier,

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I would include my teens with what do you want to

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do this year and what curriculum do you want to use and all that kind

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of stuff. So then we had a year plan, but then when it comes

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to the nitty gritty, I would use that. And so basically we had

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a notebook. I called it their academic to do list, basically, and

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it was a spiral notebook. And at the beginning of each week, I just put

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the week of September, whatever, and I just listed

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out the different things that they needed to get done or complete

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by the end of the week. And I would meet with them on Monday mornings.

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We had our little meeting, and I’d go over the list and we’d talk about

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any questions they had or things they needed help with or stuff that I forgot

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because they know their schedule better than me because they were so busy with their

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outside stuff. And so we would talk about that, especially

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in 9th grade. I would help them figure out when would be the best time

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for you to get this done and this done so that you’re not crammed because

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you have a game or you have a recital or whatever. And

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then off they went for the week, and it was up to

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them to figure out when’s the best time to get my essay

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written, when’s the best time to study for my biology, when’s the best

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time? And like I said, they knew their schedule better than me, so sometimes they

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knew it’s better for me to double up on Tuesday because I knew I have

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co op on Wednesday or whatever. And then if they needed me throughout the

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week, I was there to, you know, proofread essays

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or anything like that, or to teach them something because I was still

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teaching them certain subjects. And then on Friday,

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they checked everything off. So on Friday, I would look and see what was accomplished.

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We would talk about, hey, how come you didn’t get to this? How can I

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help you with that? We would set goals for the next week, and the

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next week I would spend, I always spent Friday afternoon. I never

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did anything on Sundays. Friday afternoon, based on what they

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did, planning out their next week, but again,

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giving them the whole week to figure it out. And

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so that was kind of what, how we did it. And their

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days were very, when people ask me, what does a

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typical day look like or a normal day look like, really,

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the only typical thing about homeschooling high school is there is no

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typical day. There is none because each kid is

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different. I mean, when I looked at what my daughter did on her typical day

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and what my son did on his typical days, they were completely different and they

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lived in the same house with the same teacher. Yeah. Well, Carrie, you have done

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an excellent job in your book of really laying out

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for us how to homeschool high school. I mean, you have

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really thought through this, and I really see that this is a work

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of the Lord through you, and it’s all over it. I mean,

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I love that it’s from a christian perspective,

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too. It’s not just, here’s the facts. Here’s how to homeschool high

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school. Here are the forms that you need. Here’s the practical way to do it.

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But really, I can see your heart in this book. And

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it’s, it’s an easy read. It’s a great, it’s a handbook is what it is.

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So if, if you’re watching this on video, here it is. Homeschool high school, a

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handbook for christian education. You guys, check it out. If you’ve

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got, and I would say, get this. In middle school, if you have middle

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schoolers moving up into high school, if you, if you’ve got high schoolers, get it

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for sure. But if you’ve got middle schoolers. This is a great way to start

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preparing yourself for those high school years. So we’ll put links to that in the

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show notes really quickly. You mentioned, and I know you talked about this the last

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time that you were on my podcast, but talk really quickly about

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your podcast and your other book is your

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other book. Tell me again what the name of it is. Just Breathe and Take

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a Sip of Coffee: Homeschool in Step with God. Okay. Yeah.

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So talk about your podcast and all the other things you have. So

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my podcast is Coffee with Carrie Homeschool Podcast. It came out of

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the COVID years, and so my aim is that it sounds like you and

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I are sitting down having a cup of coffee, and we’re talking about anything and

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everything that has to do with homeschooling. Usually it’s me

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just kind of talking about either how to teach this or what curriculum works

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best or how to cook and clean when you’re homeschooling.

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And then sometimes I have interviews with really great people, and we talk about their

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area, of their passions and gifts in the

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homeschooling. So that’s basically my podcast. It comes out

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every Thursday. So I’d love for you to look me up and listen

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week. I did one on the teaching methods of

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Jesus and so how to become a master teacher and using

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the simple, simple seven teaching

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methodologies that Jesus used. So it’s just stuff like that, you know,

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my goal is to help moms simplify their lives and their homeschooling. Yep.

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All right, well, we will put links to that in the show notes as well.

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Carrie, thank you so much for being with us this week, for your encouragement

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and the heart that you have for moms and homeschoolers and,

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and kids, your own kids. I see it in you that you

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genuinely love your kids. You love being a mama. You loved being a homeschool mom,

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and now you’re passing that on to the next generation of homeschoolers. So thank

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you for. For doing that. Thanks for all that you do. We appreciate that. Thank

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you. Thank you for having me on. Yeah, absolutely. And thank you guys for

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listening. You are such a blessing to us. If there’s any way our family can

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be praying for you, always feel free to reach out to us by email at

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Podcast@SchoolhouseRocked.com. Also, if there are

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00:21:20,346 –> 00:21:23,626
guests you would like to hear from or topics you would like us to talk

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about on the podcast, you can reach out to us at that email as well.

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Podcast@SchoolhouseRocked.com stay tuned to the very end to hear

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what’s coming up next week on the podcast. And again, you can find everything at

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our website, SchoolhouseRocked.com. have a great rest of your

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week, and we will see you back here on Monday. Bye.

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I looked over at Anderson at a stop sign, and tears are

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just dripping off of his chin. And then I started crying. Then

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Savannah Ann started crying. Molly started. By the time we get to co op, we’re

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just all a hot mess. Right. So the one thing I would say is, I

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think it is important to let yourself

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grieve it because it’s a thing,

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and you do miss them. And missing somebody is a

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glorious thing. Not missing is not a glorious

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thing. Right. The fact that someone would go and there would be an empty

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space and that you would miss them, that’s a good thing.