SR 866: Courageous Parenting with Grace and Humility – Angie Tolpin, Part 3

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When it comes to regret free parenting,

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I think a lot of parents are aware of their mistakes. We’re all our own

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worst critics, so to speak. And sometimes we’re even harder on

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ourselves than our kids are. But nonetheless, we

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want to set a good example for our kids of what it looks like to

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be a humble child of God also. Hey,

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everyone, this is Yvette Hampton. Welcome back to the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast.

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I am back with my new friend, Angie Tolpin. And like I

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said, I think in Monday’s episode, I’ve been

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listening to Angie and her husband Isaac for a couple of years

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and have learned a lot about their ministry. And so it’s so much fun. It

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is such a pleasure to get to finally have you on the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast

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and just get to hear your heart for families and for your family.

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You know, I love that God gives us all exactly what we need.

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You said you never planned on having nine kids, and you have nine kids. I

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would love to have had more. And God blessed us with two. And so every

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family size is perfect, and God just orchestrates things

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the way that he sees fit. And that kind of goes back

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to what we were talking about yesterday, is that God, like, he

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just works things out, you know? And sometimes he brings us through hard times

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and. And I don’t even like to say that word. He doesn’t bring us. He

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allows us to go through difficult times because

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he wants us to see his faithfulness and he wants us to see his

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attributes and to be able to experience the power that

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lies behind him. And so it is such a beautiful thing to be a Christian.

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It really is. If you don’t know Jesus, let me just tell you, I don’t

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know how you’re getting through this life. Um, there is a much, much better way,

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a much easier way to do life, and that is to be in full surrender

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to the God of the universe. Because, um, without him,

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there truly is no hope. And so if you ever have questions about that,

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please always feel free to reach out to us. You can always email us at

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podcast at schoolhouse rocked.com. and we would always. We’re

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always glad to talk with you guys. But anyway, we’re going to get back

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into our conversation with Angie. But before we do, I want to say thank you

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to our sponsor, BJU Press Homeschool. If you’re looking for great homeschool

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curriculum from a solid biblical worldview, check them out

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at BJU Press Homeschool.com and they will help equip you

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for everything that you need for homeschooling your kids, whatever grade, whatever

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age, whatever subject you’re looking for, they’ve got something for you. Check them

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out – BJUPressHomeschool.com. Well, Angie,

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welcome back to the podcast. Thank you.

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Yeah, absolutely. This is so fun. I said in the break, I love chatting with

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you. You are just fun to talk to and so encouraging.

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Same. It’s so nice to meet a like

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minded sister. Yeah, that’s why I love doing this. It’s just the sugar

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coating. Absolutely, absolutely.

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Let’s talk about regret free parenting. Because this is something

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that I strive for, and obviously I’m never

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going to be where I would like to be. But

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one of my goals in parenting always has been, always will be, as long as

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my children are alive. One of my greatest goals in being a

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mom is to have as few regrets as possible,

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and for my children to have as few regrets as possible.

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And so talk through that. What does that

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look like? Regret free parenting? Because sometimes it’s

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like, it’s just hard. It’s hard to receive God’s grace. It’s hard

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to forgive ourselves when we do things that are wrong. Talk about what

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that’s looked like for you. Ultimately.

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Can I share scripture? I think this scripture really

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is the foundation of that

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term for me. Regret free parenting, it’s in two Corinthians,

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chapter five, verse 17, says, therefore,

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if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

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The old has passed away. Behold, the new has come. All this

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is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and

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gave us the ministry of

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reconciliation that is in

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Christ. God was reconciling the world to himself, not

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counting their trespasses against them, and entrusting to us the message of

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reconciliation. Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ.

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So there’s a whole lot here that I would love

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to unpack. But the gist is

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obviously, as parents, we are ambassadors for Christ. We are

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representatives of him first and foremost with

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the people who are closest to us. They’re our first neighbors, our spouse and our

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kids. And then any ministry should come out of the overflow. I

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think I mentioned that on one of our previous podcast episodes

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together. When it comes to

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regret free parenting, I think a lot of

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parents are aware of their mistakes. We’re all our own worst critics, so to

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speak. And sometimes we’re even harder on ourselves than our kids

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are. But nonetheless, we wanna set a good

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example for our kids of what it looks like to be a humble child of

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God also. And so while we’re parenting our children, and

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we are hoping, expecting, holding the standard

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that they would confess their sins and apologize, repent. Right.

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As they’re. As they’re little with their kid, their siblings, and they

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are having a hard time sharing. We want them to own and take

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responsibility of their sin and confess that and

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apologize. Right. And then as they get a little bit older, it’s the same

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thing, but it looks differently throughout their life as they’re wrestling

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with the sinful flesh. And us, as parents, we still

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are human. We’re not perfect. So we have

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selfishness. We have different issues that we struggle with at times,

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whether it’s being exasperated or

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frustrated, as a lot of parents call it. Right. But we have to

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be aware of ourselves

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and be willing to

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separate, like a personal offense or an offense from our child

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and not take personal offense to their sin

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and recognize that we need to be the adults, really, and not

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react out of that selfishness or that hurt or

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that frustration or exhaustion. I mean, there’s so many different symptoms that I

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could put out there that parents experience on a daily basis. Right, right. But the

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truth is, is that all of us make mistakes. And sometimes we do respond in

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exhaustion. Sometimes we do respond with what I call

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hangry or lbs. Low blood sugar. Right.

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There’s all these different things that we cause. We’re human and we have physical

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bodies we experience, too. And so the

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reality is when we mess up, if we have humility and

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we’re willing to own our sin and apologize

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for it and take ownership and turn from it, and to

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change that right there is the game

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changer. I think that a lot of parents aren’t

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really aware that their kids are going to grow up and have a story

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about what it was like in their home when they grow up. And I think

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that for the young parents, that’s a really important thing for them to hear. Your

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kids are going to grow up and they’re going to have memories and they’re going

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to have their story of what it was like growing up in your home. Yeah.

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Right. And one of the things that I have learned over the years

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as I’ve gotten older is that I have memories and I have stories of growing

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up in my parents home. And a lot of them are inaccurate

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or just one sided perspective because I was a child

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and I was unaware of a lot of things or I didn’t fully remember

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things quite accurately. And as you start getting

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older and you start seeing that, like, where siblings can talk about,

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like a camping trip for, for example, I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this

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and everyone can have a totally different story. Yeah, it’s like the fourth person’s

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perspective, right? Exactly. They have a totally different thing. And sometimes it can

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all be good. Sometimes it can be good. Good, bad, good. You know, it doesn’t

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even matter. But the point is, is what’s powerful is having

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one another in each other’s lives to speak truth and to correct and to

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help with one another. But I think that humility, again,

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is a cornerstone character attribute that every parent needs to

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have in order to not have regret later. And that

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humility is what leads us to our knees in prayer before

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the Lord in true repentance. And when we do that,

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when we daily are recognizing that God died on the

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cross for us to be a new creation, his mercies are new every morning

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that we don’t have to be the messy parent that we were the day

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before. We can choose new. We can choose

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to walk in the spirit, and we can invite God to help us

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in the times that we’re having a hard time. We can invite a brother or

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sister in Christ to help us and hold us accountable and to pray for us.

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And I think that that ultimately is

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the steps, if you will, like, are we, first and

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foremost, rule number one, going to God and repenting.

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Number two, are we confessing it to our children and telling them what

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mommy did or what mommy said or. I’m

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sorry. Are we taking ownership before our kids and

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showing them what it looks like because we want them to be that kind of

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parent when they’re older? Yeah. Not portraying that we’re perfect

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and our kids know we’re not. Instead being honest about our

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imperfections, but trying harder.

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Yeah. And then going back over and over again.

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Here’s the rule number three that I think a lot of people miss, that I

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wish I was doing more often earlier on in my parenting that I’ve started

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doing now. And I’ve seen so much fruit from it. It’s

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reminding my kids who I would be if I didn’t have Jesus.

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Oh, that’s so good. We are who we are today. Mommy

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and daddy love each other. Because of Jesus, mommy and daddy

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went through this hard thing or that hard thing or we lost that baby or

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whatever it was. And because we have Jesus, that’s

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why we are where we are. If I didn’t love Jesus,

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at least half of you wouldn’t be born. Like,

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because I would have chosen a selfish. More like, I may not have

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even had kids. You know, before I got married, I didn’t want

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kids. And so, like, for me, my testimony is

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that God has changed my heart and been open to his

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blessings, and it’s God

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is designing, like you said this earlier, God designs every family so

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differently and so beautifully for his glory. But do we

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take those common blessings for granted, or do we

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really honor them and show respect for what the blessing

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is by being that transparent,

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honest, humble parent? And then this is

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the other thing, is being willing to make the hard choices for

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delayed gratification, which is more of, like, a

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choosing. Homeschooling is the harder path. It is,

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yeah. And it takes more time, but it’s

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worth it. Yeah. Yeah. It absolutely

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is worth it. Our kids are worth it. They are worth every

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drop of blood and sweat and tear that falls from our face

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because God has given them to us. And there’s so much

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reward in it. And I think oftentimes that reward doesn’t come.

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Sometimes the reward comes now. We are rewarded by the relationship that we

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have with our kids and hopefully by the relationship that they have with Jesus. But

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there is so much reward, I think, that comes even in the. After years

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of homeschooling. And I really appreciate you were. You were

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talking about expressing to your kids that you wouldn’t be who you are without

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Jesus. And, you know, I remember when my girls were little,

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and we don’t talk about this a whole lot anymore, but especially when they were

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really little, we would talk about, you know, you. You need Jesus to

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help you obey, and I need to get back to maybe reminding them of that.

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And, you know, my girls are. They’re. They’re pretty

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amazing now. You know, they’re. They’re older, so we don’t have to go through all

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of the discipline that we had to deal with when they were

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younger. Um, but just reminding them, like, you

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need Jesus to help you to obey, because you can’t do this on

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your own. And like you said, reminding them, like, mommy needs Jesus,

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daddy needs Jesus. We need Jesus to help us to obey

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and to walk this life and to be good moms and to be good dads

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so that we can be that example to them as well. And that’s

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such a great reminder. Let’s take a break, though. We’ll be right back.

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We are back with Angie. I love that you’re, you

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know, just that conversation we had about regret free parenting and doing our best

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to get. Get our kids to the point where we have as few regrets, they

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have as few regrets. We can go back to them when we mess up. And

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just the humility that comes with all of that and then them learning

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to be humble in the process because they are watching us

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do the same. And our kids, they. They mimic us. They mimic

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everything that we do, especially when it’s mom who’s with them most of

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the time, at least. I don’t know. I don’t have boys, so I’m not sure

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how it works in the world of boys, but I have two daughters, and I

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know that so often they mimic me in my actions,

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my words, my attitude, so many things. And so that’s really hard

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to. To see my sin come out and then some sometimes. But it’s

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also exciting when I see them displaying

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the character that I want to display as a wife and a mom,

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because I’m trying to set that example for them. And

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I know that motherhood for all of us is a sanctification

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journey in a big way. Share with us,

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maybe how is God? And maybe like, on a daily

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basis, weekly basis, maybe some different things that you’ve been through as

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a mother where you have seen goddess

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sanctifying you through the process of

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motherhood. Well, it’s funny that you ask about the

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word sanctification because I often tell people, oh, God,

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bless us with nine kids, because he definitely thought I needed

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that much sanctification. And it’s

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true, because every kid, you learn different things

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from the easy way and the hard way. You know what I mean?

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Yeah. And I think that for me, the pregnancy journey and for

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those of the younger moms that are listening or those in the childbearing season, I’m

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going to relate to you big time here. I actually have a book called Redeeming

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Childbirth, where I share my first six birth testimonies. And it’s

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not just birth, it’s pregnancy. Cause I had HG and I was super sick. And

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so to continue homeschooling, to choose to do that harder

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thing and to choose to have another

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child alone was a really big decision for us. With five, six,

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and then on. Because I was on bed rest,

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I literally threw my back out.

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I was sick. Kissing the porcelain throne, as I call it.

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Oh, no. Or kneeling before the porcelain throne. And I got

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stuck there, actually, and was in the hospital for three weeks,

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paralyzed from the waist down. And then I was on bed rest for three months.

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And that was with my six. And so we had five other kids that I

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was homeschooling. They were all under nine years old, and

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I felt like a failure. Talk about a sanctifying

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time. Right. And I think that this would be like a pinnacle,

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signature experience. One of those. I have many of them but

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even just the daily grind before that

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happened, of being sick and saying no to

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playdates because I’m just too tired, because I was up vomiting

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in the night. And just the thought of taking five little kids

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and being pregnant to a playdate was too exhausting to me. And saying no

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or not getting homeschooled, done that day, who?

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That was a really big one for me, where I kept preaching to

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myself the truths that I knew. This is just a season that you’re going through,

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Angie. Have grace with yourself, Angie. God doesn’t

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expect that from you, Angie. You’re expecting too much. You’re growing a

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human. It’s okay, Angie. You know? And I think

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us moms, we try to do that right? But

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truthfully, what I had to do through that was I had to turn my eyes

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to an eternal perspective on what was God teaching me? What was he teaching

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my kids? What was the good things that they were learning during those seasons?

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And that’s when I started to realize, this is so much more than academics. Like

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you said before, I’m showing my kids that

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a life is worth puking for every

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day, that nine months of a

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sacrifice is worth another person’s life, eternity,

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and legacy. Like,

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just that. I would do this for them over and again.

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Yeah. For my other kids to see mom sick and

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know I did that for them because I love

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them. That’s a huge lesson that, like, you

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can’t. There’s no assimilation for that, right? Kids don’t get it

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unless they walk through it. You know what I mean? And so, for

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me now, I’m looking at the fruit with my older kids,

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right? And even my son and his wife, we have one that’s married right

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now, and their heart is like, bring on the babies. We love

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the babies. You know? And I used to think, like, oh, man, am I gonna

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ruin him? Like, is he gonna not want to have very many kids?

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Or. You know? And he’s the complete opposite. God

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honored that blessing. And so, for the moms that feel

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like their failure in something or

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their, why do we have to make life so hard? I don’t know how many

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times I’ve thought that, right? Like, why do I have to choose this harder lifestyle

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of homesteading and working hard all the time? Yeah.

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But there’s so many good lessons in character building for me

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and for my kids still. I’ve been pulling weeds

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for 25 years because we’ve been homesteading in

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different places, and I still am doing it. And

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all I think is, Lord, I know you put these in my life to teach

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me a lesson. What do you have to to teach me now? And if we

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approach everything that way, Lord, what is your

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lesson? That is. That’s where it

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actually goes from being a hard thing to a sanctification process where

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we’re prepared and our capacity grows for the next thing that

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happens in our life. Yeah. Not only that, but we experience

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God comforting us and growing us, and then we can share that with other people,

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and it’s redeemed on a whole nother level. And then our

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kids get to witness us doing that and hearing those stories. Like, that’s the

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building the legacy of faith. Like, I think that one of the things we want

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to inspire parents to do more than anything is to share their faith journey

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with God, with their kids.

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Yeah. Which I think we forget to do sometimes. I know

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that I find myself oftentimes forgetting to share with my

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girls because I just assume that they know. I mean, like,

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they live in the same house that I live in. Yeah, but they’re not just

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right up here. Right, exactly, exactly. They don’t

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see the donation that comes in. That was a huge blessing to our family.

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They don’t see the email that we got from a listener telling

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us, you know, the impact that the schoolhouse rocked ministry has

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had on their lives. And, you know, all glory goes to

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God for all of those things. And so being able to share those things with

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them and say, look what God is doing. Look how God provided.

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Look how God is working in the hearts and lives of families

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all over the world because they’re part of

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it. And so I have to be so intentional. I know some families, and, like,

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we’re a very open family. We talk about all the things it’s. Easy to

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forget, like, especially if you told somebody else, too. Right, right.

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Us women love to share with sisters in Christ. And

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so this is just something that’s been on my mind for probably the last

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year. Like, how many times do I share something on a podcast and then I

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don’t share it with my kids. Right. Yes. And then I’m like, uh

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oh. I need to, like, share them so that they get

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it and are taught that. Do you know what I mean? Absolutely. Yep.

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And we all do this. We don’t need a podcast to make that mistake. It

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happens in church all the time. Yeah. And so I think

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that a huge part of it is just truthfully,

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like, when you teach your kids that we’re all on a path and

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growing and learning, and there’s a need for forgiveness and grace for

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mommy and daddy, just as we need to forgive you and you need to

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forgive your siblings. Like, if forgiveness becomes a muscle

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that’s exercised on a regular basis, their

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lives are going to be changed. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because how much easier is it

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going to be when they go into their marriage and then they have to forgive

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their spouse when their spouse offends them, because their spouse is going to offend

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them and they’re going to offend their spouse. And a lot of I think that

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divorce is really high because a lot of people have this

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sugar ideal

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picture in their head of what marriage is going to look like. They’re never going

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to get mad at their spouse, or their spouse would surely never make a

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mistake that would cost a half a million dollars, or

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surely they’re going to

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have so much success because they’ve experienced success right now. But the

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reality, you have to be realists to a certain

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degree. And so I think that while you have half glass full and half

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glass empty kind of people, regardless of what your kid

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is, one of the best things that we can teach our children is what is

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reality? Also, what does God’s word say we should

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be expecting out of life and being willing to

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walk with understanding with one another is huge.

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And so I think that that’s probably been one of the most sanctifying

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lessons I’ve had to learn in my life. That and long suffering. Those two are

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like understanding and long suffering. It’s called long

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suffering for a reason. That’s right.

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It’s long. We are out of time. But just

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really quickly, in the last couple of minutes, share with our listeners what

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you have, because I know that you lead a weekly Bible study called Heart of

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the home. Talk about that for just a minute. And then really

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quickly, what other courses and resources you

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have through your ministry. Awesome. Yeah. So my husband and

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I have be CourageousMinistry.org. That’s where you can find all the things I’m going to

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share with you guys. But we have our own app. It’s called the Be

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Courageous app. And in the app, that’s where we do our lives with our

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parenting mentor program. And then we also do a weekly Bible study

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in the mom group called Heart of the Home. And so we’ve been going now

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for 25 weeks straight, so a half of a year.

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And it’s really based on any topic that

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fits into the category that Titus two commands, older women

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to teach. Younger women. So love your husbands and children. Be busy in the home.

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Be pure, all the things so that the Word of God is not maligned. And

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so we just study the word together on Fridays, 10:00 mountain

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standard time in the app, and then they’re recorded and they’re kept in the

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app so people can read, replay, comment, all the things. Awesome.

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And then I usually do a Q&A for about 15 minutes after the Bible study,

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too, which is always really fun. And we have a lot of other resources that

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are in the app right now. This summer and through part of the

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year, we are offering our biblical friendship online Bible study for

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free in the app so people get access to that. We also have a

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Courageous Marriage series, which is 6 hours. It’s kind

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of, it’s a course, basically, and they have

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exclusive access in the app to that. And then our weekly lives that are

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post podcast extras, if you will. And so that’s kind of fun.

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We do a Q&A with the people in the app, and it’s just been a

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neat place for people to meet other like minded christians and to

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encourage one another. The community is really why people sign up.

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So that’s been really fun. We also have a homeschooling course and then

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our parenting mentor program. And we sell coffee that we’re

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tent makers like Paul, so. Okay. I didn’t know about the

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coffee. Yeah, that’s awesome. Fantastic coffee. My

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favorite is the correggioso. That’s my favorite. The four

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blends that we have, we named them Correggioso risoluto forza. And

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then we have a decaf. It’s valor decaf. Oh, that’s so funny. Well, it’s the

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caffeinated ones that all the mamas need to stay awake so that they can

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homeschool and disciple their kids. Just don’t drink the

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caffeinated coffee after like 04:00 in the afternoon unless

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you’re my friend Sherry. Let me just tell you, sherry can drink coffee at eight,

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like caffeinated, fully caffeinated coffee at like 08:00 at night. That’s

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me. And still sleep. I don’t know how I

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both do it. Oh, I love that. That’s so funny. So, so drink

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caffeine whenever you are able to drink caffeine, I guess. But that’s super

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cool, Angie. Thank you so much. If you guys want to be part of

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their goal to reach 10 million families who are

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going to leave legacies for their I families in the

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00:26:10,416 –> 00:26:13,784
next generations to come, check them out at Courageous Parenting. Be courageous

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00:26:13,832 –> 00:26:16,992
ministry, right, is your website, but check out their

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podcast.org, becorageousministry.org. we’ll put those links

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in the show notes and check out what they have. They have a lot of

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amazing resources to help strengthen and equip you as

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parents, as husband and wife, as homeschoolers, all the things, they’re there to

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help you, just like we are as well. So if you’ve not signed up for

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00:26:33,544 –> 00:26:37,334
our newsletter, you could go to our website, schoolhouserocked.com. You

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00:26:37,342 –> 00:26:40,110
can also leave a donation there if you’d like to donate to the schoolhouse rocked

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00:26:40,150 –> 00:26:43,446
ministry. And again, if there’s any way we can pray for you, let us know.

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You can send us an email at

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podcast@schoolhouserocked.com. Stay tuned to the very end to hear

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what’s coming up next. And we will see you back here next week with another

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fantastic guest. Have a great day. Bye.