SR 867: Flexible Planning: Simplify Your Homeschool Life – Pam Barnhill, Part 1

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Just because Yvette’s doing something in her homeschool, and I

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see that on Instagram, that doesn’t mean that I have to do that in my

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homeschool as well. Yeah. What are my goals for my

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kids? The vision and the goals that you have should be the

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thing that informs everything that you’re choosing to

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do. Hey, everyone, this is Yvette Hampton. Welcome

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back to the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast. I am back with Pam Barnhill

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this week, and we are going to have a great week. We’re going to talk

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about just some really fun and encouraging homeschooling things because, well, you know, that’s what

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we do on the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast. I know that most of you

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know Pam. You are probably very familiar with her, and maybe you’re even

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familiar with some of her resources, but maybe you don’t know the name that’s

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behind them. Like think morning basket, things like that. So we are

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going to have a great time this week. But before we get into our conversation,

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I want to say thank you to our sponsor, BJU Press Homeschool. If you’re looking

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for great Christian homeschool curriculum that will teach your kids from a

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strong, solid, biblical worldview, check them

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out BJUPressHomeschool.com. they’ve got something

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for every style of education. They’ve got something for every subject,

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every age. Whatever it is that you need, they’ve got it for you. Check

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them out. BJUPressHomeschool.com.

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Pam Barnhill, I am so glad to have you back. It has been a long

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time since you have been on the schoolhouse watch podcast. I should have gone back

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and looked to see when the last time was. I think maybe the last time

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was you were part of the homegrown generation family expo a few years

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ago with us. Maybe three years

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ago or something. Yeah. Too long. It’s been too

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long. So I am so glad our schedule is coordinated and we were able

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to plan a recording time today. So for those who might

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not know who Pam Barnhill is, introduce

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yourself and your family to us. Oh, that could be a lot of people out

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there. But yeah, I am Pam and my husband Matt and

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I have been married for 30 years this year. I like to tell

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everybody that I was a child bride. He doesn’t like it so much when I

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tell people that. But, yeah, 30 years

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this year. And then we have three kids. Our

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oldest, Olivia, she is 19.

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She just turned 19. She’s a in our local community college.

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And then we have a rising senior this coming year,

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John and then Thomas is 14, and he will

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be a 9th grader. And we have homeschooled all of them from the very

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beginning. I was a public school teacher, so I’m a

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recovering public school teacher. I taught high school journalism.

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And, yeah, from the time that Olivia

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was born, I knew I wanted to stay home with my kids. And it wasn’t

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very long before we realized we wanted to homeschool. Yeah. Yeah.

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It goes by so quickly. As you know, and as I know, you know,

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our. Both of our girls and are graduated. And, man, that time just

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flies by. It’s shocking. And I’m so grateful for the time I’ve

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had with my girls and the time I know that you have had with your

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kids. And watching them launch into those adult years

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is crazy and fun and scary and all of the

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things. All of the things wrapped up into one, for

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sure. It is a lot of fun, though. It is a lot of

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fun for that relationship to start shifting subtly

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and, you know, just enjoying the time

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that you have with them because it gets a little bittersweet, you know, when you

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know that within a few years, they’re going to be flying the nest and leaving

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home. Yeah, I was talking about this not that long ago on the podcast, maybe

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a couple of months ago, about how oftentimes you hear people say, you know,

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I’m my kid’s mom. I’m not their friend. And.

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And I see the posts that you post, and from talking to, you know, that

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you are also friends with your kids as well. It’s not

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just, I’m the mom. I’m the authority. You’re gonna listen to what I say and

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do what I say, but you actually have really worked hard to have a strong

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relationship with your kids. And so I love that Olivia still home with you and

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you still have that relationship, but it’s. It changes once they graduate

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and get into those adult years. And, um. And so

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I talk just for a minute, and this is not one of our topics of

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discussion, really, this weekend. I. But just as I’m thinking about that, talk about

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how you have worked to establish those relationships

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with your kids so that when you launch them into those adult years, you’re.

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You’re friends with them and you’re, you know, you’re one of their besties.

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Yeah. So I just, um. And actually, I said something about this the other

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day in a. In a little class that I was doing on teaching

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high school. And it’s like, don’t let the relationship die on the

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altar of creating this perfect transcript, because I think as

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homeschool moms, we get really uptight about what the transcript’s gonna look like

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and preparing them to go out into the world, and it becomes so serious.

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We get so serious when it comes to homeschooling high school. And in some ways,

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it is serious, but in a lot of ways, so many ways, you’re

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just continuing to be the parent and do the same

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teaching and mentoring and coaching and loving that

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you’ve always done for your kids. That part doesn’t really

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change a whole lot at all. And so I didn’t

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want to push and

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prod and nag and worry and

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be anxious so much and so often that

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that relationship suffered for me, to have a

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child with a transcript that’s, like, you know, perfect and

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ready. You know what I’m saying? Sure. And so she ended up with

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a decent transcript, but who’s ever gonna see

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it? Who’s ever gonna care? Who’s ever gonna look at it again now that she’s

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gotten into the school that she wants to go to? And so

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it was just more important to me that they come back after they graduate,

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after they leave home, that they come back to see me than it was for

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me to send them to the most prestigious school with. With the

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most perfect transcript. So, yeah, for sure.

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We just. Garrett and I were talking about this this morning. We

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know a family who their kids, they just. Their family

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just struggles. And I’m not sure exactly what the issues are

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within those family dynamics, but I know one of the

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girls is like, I just can’t wait to get out. Like, I cannot wait to

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graduate. And they’re a homeschool family, you know, christian homeschool family. But she’s like, I

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just can’t wait to get out of the authority, you know, that my parents

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have over me. And sometimes that’s rebellion. You know, you’ve got those kids

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who are just rebellious, and they don’t want to listen to their parents. They don’t

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want to abide by their rules and by the house rules. And so there is

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that. But then there’s also that aspect of those parents who

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are just. They’re so committed to those grades, and they want the

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bumper sticker, you know, that says, my child wasn’t honor all in my home school.

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And so they’re just so committed to that that they end up, you know, kind

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of ruining that relationship with their kids. And oftentimes, I know they can get it

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back, but it’s hard to get. It back if you are

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sitting there and your child is wanting to, like. I mean, there are times where

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Olivia express is like, oh, I’d like to get an apartment. And I’m like, oh,

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child, you don’t know how good you have it here,

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but it also is healthy for them to want to pull away from us, too.

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Yes. And so agree. I like to, like, how can I

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allow them space to pull away without them feeling like they

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need to have a bad attitude about it. Right. You know? Yes.

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Yeah. Well, it’s so much the heart that I’m talking about, you know, that

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heart posture. Like, are they wanting to leave out of rebellion and hatred

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for being in the home, or is it because they’re just wanting to spread their

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wings and become adults? Yes. There’s a huge difference between the two,

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so. And it’s. It’s always a give and take. It’s always like, where, where are

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we going with this? You know, what? What are we doing?

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How can we help you? But also, then there’s my mama

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heart that’s just like, please don’t go anywhere. Oh, I know.

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Yeah. It’s terrifying. The thought of them leaving is so

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scary and sad and not scary. I mean, I trust the Lord. I know that

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he’s going to take care of them and he’s going to put them where he

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wants them to be, but. Yes. Yeah. Like I said, my mama heart, like. But

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you also want them to stay, right? I want them to stay in my little

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nest all the time. Oh, man. Well, as we’re talking about

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homeschooling, I know that oftentimes there are things that just

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seem to make our homeschool lives harder and just difficult.

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And so I want to park on that for a little bit because

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oftentimes they think people don’t get into homeschooling because they think it’s going to be

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hard or because they get into it and they’re doing things that maybe they don’t

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realize are making it harder than necessary, and so they give up,

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and they’re like, this is just too hard. I just can’t do this. And so

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I’m giving up putting my kids back in school, and then they risk

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that relationship that they have with their kids and not that you can’t have a

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good relationship with your kids if they’re in school, but it’s. It’s just different. It’s

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a different kind of relationship that you have when they’re home with you. So maybe

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talk through some of those things that are just difficult that

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can make our homeschooling more difficult than necessary.

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Yeah, well, I think the first thing that a lot of people

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don’t think about, because when I. I think when people wake up and they’re

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like, oh, man, this homeschooling thing is way harder than what I

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thought it was going to be. What they don’t realize is

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the specific things that are making it more difficult. And I think

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one of the things that kind of smacks us and, like,

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whoa. We never expected this was decision fatigue and the

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amount of problems that that

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causes for us as homeschooling parents. And so when I think about

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what makes homeschooling hard, decision fatigue

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is probably number one on the list. This is, like, the biggest and

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first thing, and it’s kind of unavoidable

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in some ways. But we do have methods and practices

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that we can use to kind of mitigate the decision fatigue in

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order to lessen its effect on us. But when you think

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about it, they say, they say, the experts say that the

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average human makes 30,000 different decisions

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a day. Wow. Yeah. So that’s a lot of decisions.

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And then you throw on top of that, a homeschool mom

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who is home with three, four, or five kids. So how many

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decisions do you make for your kids each day? So you’re not only making your

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decisions, you’re making a lot of their decisions, as well. You’re

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making decisions for them. And so it’s no wonder that

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homeschool moms just get exhausted by the end of the day

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and that it makes things feel

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difficult when we are having to make all of these different

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decisions. And so what this leads to is this leads to

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the ability to make good decisions. Have you ever felt like

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your kids kind of wear you down by the end of the day? Like, you

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start off the day, like, really, really strong, and at the end of the day,

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you’re like, I don’t care. Right. Yes. You can watch another episode

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of Wildcats or, I don’t care, play the video game

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or whatever, and you never would have done that at the

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beginning of the day, but at the end of the day, you’re just absolutely

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exhausted, and it’s because you’ve had to make so

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many decisions throughout the day. And then this shows up in our

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homeschooling as well. As we’re trying to make decisions about curriculum

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is we’re trying to make decisions about assignments, is we’re trying to make

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decisions about which things would be best for our kids,

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then that also

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is impacted by the sheer number of decisions that we have

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to make. And so what we want to try to do is to

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work around that and eliminate as much decision fatigue in

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the moment as we absolutely can. Yeah,

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even thinking through parenting, parenting

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requires so many decisions. And really, homeschooling is parenting. And

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so, you know, making that decision of how do we deal with this squabble

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that my kids are having? How do we deal with the disrespect and the disobedience

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that they’re, you know, um, that they’re

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expressing? They’re. They’re. Yes, the decisions

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are so, so hard. How do we choose our words wisely so that we

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can win the hearts of our kids and not just sound like we’re constantly

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nagging at them, but actually get to the heart issue of the things that they’re

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struggling with, whether it’s behavior or math or whatever it is.

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And so, yeah, decisions are hard. They’re hard to make. Sometimes I don’t want

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to make them. Yes, they are hard. And, yes, 100%,

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sometimes we don’t want to make those decisions. And

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so what I like to recommend that you do is pre

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make as many decisions as possible. And so

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when you are looking at your next homeschool year, how many

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decisions can you make ahead of time so you don’t have to make them on

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a daily basis or even a weekly basis? I know a lot of people are

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like, well, I plan. You know, I plan my week on Sunday. Like, I sit

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on Sunday afternoon and I plan my week. I’m like, I’d rather be

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doing something else on my Sunday afternoon. You know, I want to make as many

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decisions as I can ahead of time when I’m very calm, very

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cool, very collected. Maybe the kids are at VBS or

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something like that, and I could sit down and just go

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ahead and decide some of these things so I don’t have to make

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those decisions daily because I’m going to be making other

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decisions daily. Right. You know? Right. Oh, such a good point. Let’s

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take a break. We’ll be right back.

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We are back with Pam as we’re talking about things that are just difficult,

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you know, that. That decision making, you are so right. It

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is. I don’t think about that often because I guess I would have to make

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the decision to think about that. Right. But, yeah, it’s all day,

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every day. And so that is one thing. And I know you have so many

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resources, and we can talk about those later in the week. So many resources that

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really do help homeschool parents with planning and with that decision

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making, because it’s even like, well, how do I decide what curriculum to

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use. How do I decide how to plan it out for the whole year? And

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do I plan the whole year or do I just plan one week or do

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I plan the month? Or, you know, oh, my word, it is

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absolutely overwhelming. And so, again, so many parents just throw the towel

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in because it’s just too much for them to take in. So we’ll talk more

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later about your resources. But what are some other things that you find that

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are just making homeschool more difficult than

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necessary? So the second thing that I think really

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makes homeschool more difficult than necessary for most people

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is they’re trying to do too much. They’re trying to

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over schedule and do too many things in their homeschooling.

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And I really get this. I really feel this. I can think back seven

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or eight years when my kids were little and there just seemed

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to be this explosion of fabulous homeschooling resources. I

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don’t know if you kind of saw this yourself, a vet

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where, like, when you first started homeschooling, it’s like, yeah, there are a few great

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things out here. But then as we got into it,

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like, there was just this explosion of all of these wonderful

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resources, and I got fomo really bad. I wanted to

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do all the things, and it became like, well, if I can’t do this thing

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now, then my kids are going to age out of it. They’re going to be

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too old. And I will tell you, even now I’m sitting here looking at some

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of the stuff that, especially some of the stuff my team is developing that

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just looks so fabulous and my kids are too old for it. And I’m like,

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oh, man, I can’t wait to get the grandkids

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so I could do all of that wonderful, fun stuff with them. And

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so we feel like, oh, this is my last chance to do this thing. And

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so what we tend to do is pack our schedules really, really full with a

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lot of different things to do, and it makes

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homeschooling more difficult for us

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and more difficult than what we can handle. And so I would

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suggest maybe use some creative scheduling, like some loop

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scheduling, to be able to do more of those fun

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things but not try to cram too much of them

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in at one time or even some term scheduling

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where, you know, you’re like, this term we’re going to focus on nature

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study, and this next term we’re going to focus on

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music appreciation. And this next term we’re going to focus on

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Shakespeare, or this next term we’re going to focus on, like, doing a state

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study and do it for that term and then close the books and put it

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away. And then if you feel like you want to or need to come back

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to it again, cycle through it again another term later,

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but instead of trying to do all the things at once, like assign

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them to a specific term, and then

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the other thing is really look at what your vision is for your homeschool

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and your goals. Just because Yvette’s doing something in her

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homeschool, and I see that on Instagram, that doesn’t mean that I have to

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do that in my homeschool as well. And so what are my

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goals for my kids? What is my vision for what education

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looks like in my home? The vision and the goals that you have

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should be the thing that informs everything that

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you’re choosing to do. And so I like to hold

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things up against that vision that I’ve created and say, does

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this really fit with that vision? If I have these four things, you know,

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which one takes top priority according to that vision and then choose

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to do those things? And so the vision really helps me pick exactly what it

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is we’re going to do. Yeah, absolutely. Because then you have a

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roadmap, you know where you’re going, and that is such an important thing.

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So. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What else do you have? So the next thing

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I have is wholeheartedness.

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This means not multitasking, because I think

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that is one of the big things that makes homeschooling really difficult for

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people. And I get it because life is

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still going on, and this is kind of my fourth thing. I’m going to combine

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these together. One of the things that makes homeschooling really hard is the fact that

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we are at home and we’re like, oh, we need to clean the house. We

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also need to do the laundry, and we need to cook the 17 meals a

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day that they want to eat. And I’ve noticed in the past four to five

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years that more and more homeschoolers are working

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while they homeschool. You know, with this advent of so many

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more work from home positions, with the economy being what it

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is, where parents are feeling like both parents need to work. And so maybe

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mom, who used to just be homeschooling now, has

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picked up an extra part time job. All of that together just

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makes things so much more difficult because life is still going on.

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But if we set aside just a few hours a day

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and dedicate that time to homeschooling, and I call it

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honoring your school day, like, these are the hours that I’m going

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to homeschool. These are the hours that I’m honoring as my school

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day, and I’m not trying to do the laundry and do the

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dishes and run errands and all of those things during

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this time. I’m just honoring my school day. That

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that makes things go so much better, because I think,

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like, a wholeheartedness is really how we can

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do something like teach from rest, because we’re really focusing

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wholeheartedly on what it is we’re doing, and then

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when it’s done, we can move on and focus on something else. But it’s this

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multitasking that we’re doing that is really making things

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way more difficult for us. And then finally get the help

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that you can for the life stuff. So, you know,

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anytime you can bring in any outside help,

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ask your husband for help. I had a situation last week

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where I just knew I was going to have a

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particularly hard day. And then at the very last

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minute, I had an emergency vet visit, you know,

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poured on top of that onto that day. I knew my husband had some comp

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time from some extra work he had been doing, and so I just called him

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and said, you know what would make my life so much easier tomorrow? If you

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could just take some time, take some of your comp time

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and help me with some of the things that I have to do.

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And he said, yes, you know? Yeah. And, like, I

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just had this immediate weight come off of me.

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Now, is that always going to work out for everybody? Maybe

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not. But how often do we, as homeschool moms, we actually have that

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opportunity, and we don’t take it because we feel like, oh,

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we’ve got to do all of this ourselves. We can’t ask for any kind of

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help, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that’s such good stuff. I love you,

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you know? You talking about honoring your homeschool day? I really struggle with that

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because I like my house to look tidy, and I’m the one

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like, okay, let’s sit down and, you know, read through a history lesson

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or, you know, do math something. And then that kitchen, you know, our

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kitchen and living room, we have one of those kind of open concept houses. And

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so my kitchen is staring at me the whole time, and I see the dishes

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there, or I see the piles of laundry, or I see the bathrooms that need

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to be cleaned, all the things. And so I’m like, okay, well, we’re gonna get

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to homeschooling, but first let me do the

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dishes. Or first let me do this laundry, or first let’s go grocery shopping real

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quick, and it’s never real quick. I think I always say real quick after grocery

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shopping. Like, it just kind of goes hand in hand. It’s never real quick. It’s

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ours. It seems like by the time you go to the store, get all the

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stuff, bring it home, put it away, you know, and then everybody’s hungry, so.

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You have to make a meal, right? Exactly. Oh, oh. And the eating. Oh, my

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word. Why, yes. You talked about 17 meals a day,

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food prep and food cleanup.

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Seems like it takes all day every day. It is such a

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difficult thing for me, anyway. I don’t enjoy being in

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the kitchen and preparing food. So it’s like torture to me to have to do

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that, but it’s necessary because my people want to eat and I need to eat

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a. So, yeah. Anyway, great stuff,

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Pam. We are going to come back. We have lots more to talk about, but

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we’re out of time right now. Tell our audience where they can find out more

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about Pam Barnhill and all that you have going on to

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support and help the homeschool community. Yeah, you can find us at

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PamBarnhill.com. you get over there, and that’s our homeschool better together

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website and community. So real easy. Yep. And you’ve

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got a podcast as well. Tell our audience really quickly about your podcast.

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Yeah, so we have the homeschool better together podcast. It comes

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out every single week, and it’s just full of homeschooling

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tips, and we try to make it as actionable and as meaningful

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as possible. Yep. And we’ve had you. Come on. It’s been some

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time to talk about your book better together, and it’s a fantastic

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book. So we’ll put links to that in the show notes as well. Thank you

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guys so much for listening. We will be back next time to talk more with

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Pam about homeschooling, and she will bring more encouragement to you and to

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me. If you have not left a review for this podcast, would you please do

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00:23:45,264 –> 00:23:48,448
that? Just take a few minutes, leave a review, let people know how and why

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it blesses you, so that we can get more people to listen to it. Because

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that moves us up in those weird algorithms, and it makes it more noticeable

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to other people who are looking for homeschool podcasts. And of course, listen

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to Pam’s podcast as well. She brings lots of encouragement and resources.

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Have a great rest of your day. Stay tuned to hear what’s coming up next

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on the podcast, and we’ll see you back here next time. Bye.