SR 871: Heart Schooling: Forging Deep Family Bonds – Leslie Nunnery, Part 2

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We need to look at our days as heart schoolers through a very

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different lens. One benchmark that I

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always would lean into is, I know my child better than I did the day

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before. So, yeah, I may not have gotten through every

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single thing on my lesson plan, but I had x,

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y, z conversation, and God gave me insight into their

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heart. Hey, everyone, this is Yvette Hampton. Welcome back

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to the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast. I am back again with my friend Leslie

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Nunnery, of Teach Them Diligently, and we are talking about heart

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schooling, about really getting to the hearts of our kids. And

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it is my favorite topic. You guys know this. I love talking about

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discipleship because, really, nothing else matters if they don’t know Jesus.

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And that that is the thing that matters most. And so Leslie is the

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mom of four kids. She’s graduated three already. She’s got her last one in

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her senior year this year. And I love what their family has

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done, and they’ve been so intentional about pointing their kids to Jesus and

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as a family, really impacting God’s kingdom through the

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Teach Them Diligently conventions and all the other things they’ve got books.

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They’ve got… You have so many resources. You have a podcast.

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We were talking about this during the break. Like, you just have so

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much to offer, and I love that you have a team behind

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you who helps you to do all these things. It’s not just you and

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David. Yeah. Doing these things. So, yeah, that’s

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a huge blessing. As God has opened more doors for us through the years, he

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has brought some people along who can help, and that is. That has been

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a blessing, and it’s allowed us to do a lot more, which couldn’t. You know,

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when it was just the David and Leslie show, we couldn’t possibly do it, so.

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Right, right. Yeah. Yes. That’s how we’re the Garritt and Yvette show

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right now. Our girls help a little bit with what we do, but our oldest

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is now working outside of the home. Our youngest, actually, Lacey, she’s

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amazing. She’s only 13, but she does quite a lot of computer work, and

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she works for Garritt, which is so much fun. We love that she has an

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opportunity to do that. And she works with the podcast, and so she gets to

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hear from our different guests. And so, like, she’s getting that discipleship even

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from our podcast guests, you know? And I feel like that’s kind of

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preparing her, even for motherhood, because she’s. She’s 13.

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She’s far from motherhood, but it’s going to be here before we know it, and

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just that those little seeds are being planted in her as she is part of

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this ministry. I absolutely love it. So we’re so proud of her. I. She is

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doing such an amazing job. So, yeah, I joked. I said it would be

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nice. Sometimes I feel like I need to stand on a street corner and just

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hold up a sign. Help needed. Anything helps you.

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Exactly. Any little bit. But, yeah, it’s. It’s good to have a good team behind

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you. So, anyway, um, another good team that I know of is BJU Press

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Homeschool. They really are an amazing team. We have a great relationship with them,

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and they produce and publish some of the best homeschool

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curriculum. So if you guys are looking for good christian homeschool curriculum from

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a solid biblical worldview, check them out

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bjupresshomeschool.com. and they’ve got something for everyone. No

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matter what grade, what age, what subject, whatever you’re looking for, they’ve got

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something for you. So check them out.

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BJUPressHomeschool.com. All right, Leslie,

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we ended the last episode talking about benchmarks, and

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so we’re. We’re talking about, you know, kind of that vision that we set for

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our family, which we’ve talked about many, many times on this podcast, and we. We

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have to cast a vision. This is where we’re going. But you talked about

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benchmarks, and this is something that’s really interesting to me because that’s not something that

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we’ve talked about. Talk through what some of those benchmarks are

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for, or were, I should say, for your family and what you’ve seen

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in some other families who have successfully heart schooled their kids. Oh,

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yeah, I would. I would love to, actually, um, the.

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The idea of these different benchmarks was not something that I. I

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think I had kind of thought of when I was raising my. Like,

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I did them, I was. I was focusing on, or I, like, passively.

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They were there. But when I started writing the book, it

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was like the Lord just said, look, you did this differently. You approach these

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differently. And it has been a really impactful concept,

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because, like I said at the end of the last episode, so

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often we are gauging our success based on a system that we

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purposely took our kids out of, and that’s.

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You’re never gonna feel good about yourself if you’re gauging your success against

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a system that you aren’t in. So we need

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to look at our days as heart schoolers through a very

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different lens. One benchmark that I

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always would lean into is, I know my child better than I did the day

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before. So, yeah, I may not have gotten through every

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single thing on my lesson plan, but I had

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XYZ conversation, and God gave me insight into

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their heart. Or God, I’ve been praying because this

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one child, I just knew something was off with. And God

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opened the door for me to see what was going on there. I would have

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never dreamed what it actually was, but God illuminated that.

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That’s a good day. That is a very successful day

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as a heart schooler, no matter what you got done in the read and write

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and arithmetic, if you can get to the end of your day and you

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say, I know my child better, and God gave me opportunities to go for their

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hearts, that’s actually two really good benchmarks.

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And to really look at another benchmark is

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that you can see that your child is enjoying what he’s learning.

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When daddy comes through the door and it’s like, dog pile daddy to tell him

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everything that they went through that day, or you’re sitting around

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the dinner table and the kids are just talk, talk, talk about the things

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that they learned. The cool cow killer

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ant that we discovered on our hike and then researched all day,

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and they’re so excited to tell people about that.

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That’s a really good day. Even though with the cow killer aunt,

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we ran into one of those on a hike that we took when my kids

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were really little. We spent the entire rest of the day just trying to figure

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out what that grotesque looking thing was. Oh, wow. And then we got so intrigued

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that we’re just, like, learning all we can about it. None of that was my

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school plan for the day, but they learned so much. And

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then what really struck me is when daddy comes home or

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mom or whatever, is the reality in your family, and the kids are, like,

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wanting to share with them what they’ve learned because they’re enjoying it. They are

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teaching, which is the highest form of learning. If they can turn around

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and share what they’ve learned. Mama, daddy, you guys have done a great

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job because they are learning it well enough to pass it

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on. So you’re seeing, even if you know, you have a

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cow killer day where you don’t do anything that you had planned on, but you’re

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seeing that your kids are enjoying what they’re learning, and they’re able to

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pass on and share that with others, that’s a really

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successful day. And, you know, another

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one that always made me recognize that it was

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a successful day is if I could look back and say, my children know

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I’m always available to them. So

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they did come to me about whatever it was.

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And so this looked a little different,

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and a lot of so this looked a little different,

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but that shows that they know that I’m available. I am the one they are

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coming to for counsel or when they’re afraid or when they’re hurting or whatever.

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That is a really good day. What I don’t want to

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do, you know, one of the things that heart schooling does

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is it actually pushes for excellent home education.

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So I don’t want. When I’m giving these benchmarks, they seem a little

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lopsided because I’m really addressing

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some of the areas where moms and dads feel most

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insecure. Like, we tend to

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force going after the academics at the expense of

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relationships, and we feel better about that sometimes.

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But I do want to make the point to be a biblical

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parent and to homeschool with a heart school type approach

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that requires that you are preparing your children to walk through whatever door God

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opens for them in the days ahead. And I have found that the

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better parent I was, the more engaged I was with their hearts, the

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more their academics excelled as well, for a whole lot of

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reasons that I’m sure you’ve talked about a lot on the show,

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but that is something I wanted to point out. The way

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that we gauge our days, we’re always going to go for the hearts of our

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kids. But because God’s plan is best for our families

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and our call is to go for the hearts of our kids, he works it

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all out, as we are faithfully pursuing him to where their

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academics are. Should be excellent as

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well, because you’ll find that you have enough hours in the day to

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do what God has called you to. And sometimes learning looks different,

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but that’s okay. And they’re still learning, and they’re growing. And God ties all of

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those things together in that perfect tapestry that he’s making, um,

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within your family. So you can trust God on that. Yeah. Can I

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pause you there for just a second? Cause I want to just say you. The

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first one you talked about was knowing them better each day. And I think that’s

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such a beautiful thing, because here’s the thing. Nobody knows our kids as well

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as we do because we’re their parents, right? We are the one who cares about

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them the most. We are the most intentional with them.

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However, it’s. It is very normal.

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I don’t know that normal is the right word. Um, a lot of

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parents today who are homeschooling their kids get very, very distracted. And I’m saying

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this for myself as well. You know, it’s easy for me to get distracted by

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my phone, by my emails, by, you know, text messages

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coming in, phone calls, all that stuff, or social media stuff like that. Like,

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I mean, I, I have had to take social media off my phone completely

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because I will find myself sitting and flipping through it. It’s just straight

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up nonsense. You know, it’s not helping my life at all all the while my

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kids are there. But I think that we have this idea that because we’re home

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with our kids, well, of course I’m with them. Of course I’m engaged with them.

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But you’re not always actually engaged with them. And so I think it’s something that

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we need to pay attention to as, as moms and dads who

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are home with our kids. It doesn’t mean you can’t ever do that stuff,

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obviously. Sometimes I have to work, sometimes I have to answer the emails or answer

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the phone calls. That’s part of life. But prioritizing

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our time with our kids so that they really do

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know that we are present for them and so that we can end the day

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going, yeah, I learned something new about my kid today, or they

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shared their heart with me about something because if they see that we’re busy and

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distracted, they’re going to just turn around and walk away. So just because we’re home

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with them doesn’t mean that we’re with them. And I think that’s an important thing

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to remember. So let’s take a break, though. We’ll be right back.

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We are back with Leslie. All right, let’s keep talking about these benchmarks

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because these are so good. Yeah, I would love

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to. Actually, what you were saying about being

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present before the break leads right into kind of another

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benchmark, which is you’re able to spend time

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strengthening relationships with your kids by doing stuff that they love.

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So getting involved, I actually,

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my 25 year old came to, David and I, we were talking the

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other, it’s probably been a couple of months ago now, but he had been talking

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with a bunch of his friends and he was sharing with

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them how much we got to know

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stuff that they were, that all of them. But he was talking

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about himself. We’re so interested in, whether it be Legos or,

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you know, basketball or whatever it was. David, coach,

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we got on the floor. We got involved in the stuff that they were very

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interested in. That to my 25 year old

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son was still worth noting to his friends that we had done,

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he came and he thanked us for it, which was

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just amazing. What a joy that was.

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But to actually spend time looking at

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the things that interest them, getting involved, come to know them.

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We learned so much about card trading games

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and some video games, and I started running the volleyball

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program for our homeschool group because my girls played volleyball that did the

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same on basketball. We were trying to deep dive into the stuff that was

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important to our kids because that shows them, and it strengthens those

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relationships with them, because they see that we care

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about what they care about. So when we’re able to show them that we

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care about what they care about, then as the things that they care

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about get more

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deep, more impactful, like I care

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about this girl, we’re still the ones that

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they’re gonna come to for counsel, because they know that we care about the

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things that they care about. So taking the time in your day to

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get in the floor, build that Lego set, you know,

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play. Peyton went through a time when he was really refining his

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chess game. So I’m terrible at chess, but I played

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a lot of it during that time. Or, you know, he was. How

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fast he could do a Rubik’s cube. He would get it down to. He was

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like a minute. Rubik’s cube solver. Probably less than that. He’s probably

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horrified that I would say it was a minute. But sitting there,

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how do you do that? What is the algorithm? Just really trying to get to

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know what excites your kids at that time

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gives you so much more of a platform to have those

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heart conversations. But again, because God’s ways are

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perfect, that also gives you a much better inroad

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as you are teaching those subjects. So

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that relationship element makes everything so much better and so

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much easier. So that is. That is those strengthened

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relationships are a real benchmark that you can shoot for, Zachary.

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Yeah. And that starts so young, you know, being involved with, like, you talk about

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Legos. I mean, there are teenagers who play Legos, too, which is awesome. But

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whatever your kids are doing, if they’re, you know, three years old or four years

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old, you know, I mean, from the time they’re itty bitty just being present with

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them and playing baby dolls with them, playing cars with them,

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playing outside and going for walks and discovering God’s creation. I mean,

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there just are so many ways that we can be intentionally involved with our

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kids and show them that we’re interested in what

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they’re interested in. I think one of the things that’s hard about

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parenting sometimes is that we want our kids to be interested in the same things

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that we’re interested in because it’s how we’re made up. Right? Yeah.

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And then they’re interested in something completely different that’s completely foreign to

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us. Our daughter is playing volleyball now this year, and I

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absolutely love it. And I’m still, like, trying to figure out the rules of the

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game and all the terminology and stuff, but it’s so much fun

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because it’s something that’s new. And she is like, this is like the

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greatest thing that’s ever happened in her life. I mean, she just absolutely loves

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volleyball. And so it’s fun to see her excitement and to be able to

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just go sitting in practices with her and watch her improve.

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And so anyway, it is from the time they’re itty bitty,

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it’s so important for us to show them, because you’re

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talking about them bringing home that boy or bringing home that girl.

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If you have not been intentional in building that relationship and that trust

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with them, they’re not going to all of a sudden be like, hey, mom, can

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I talk to you about this? What do you think about this person who I

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might spend the rest of my life with? You know, you’ve got to spend their

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whole childhood building that up. That’s so important. Yeah,

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absolutely. Just being engaged in every part of their life. And actually,

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um, that leads very easily into kind of the

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fourth mark of a heart schooler, you know, we’ve

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been through just since we’re in a new episode. The first three are

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recognizing your call. The second one is realigning your

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thinking with your call, refining your vision and what you want to see

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within your family, kind of backing into how that looks. And then the fourth one

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is you’re going to focus on the relationships that matter most. That’s where that

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idea of being present. And so,

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like you were noting so beautifully earlier, just because I’m in the

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same space as my kids doesn’t mean that I’m present with them. Right.

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And so often we give our children the impression that

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they are 4th, 5th, 6th down the line. Because every time

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a notification goes off or, you know, I get a Facebook

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message or, you know, I sit there and scroll reels because they’re funny

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or whatever it is, I’m showing them by my actions that

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the relationship with them is not as important as the relationships that I’m

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trying to go after with these imaginary people that they can’t

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see right now. Yeah. And so, and that goes both

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ways because remember, we’re trying to. We’re going to. As your kids grow, you’re going

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to be giving them what a healthy tech

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lifestyle looks like as well. So we always told our

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kids that God put our family together the way that he wanted to. He is

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wise, he is good, and nobody outside of the six of us did

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he put in our house. So they shouldn’t have access to our

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house at all hours and anytime they want to, because that’s not how God

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created it. But if we tell them that trying to give them

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a healthy view of technology, and yet we’re giving people access to

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us 24/7 that’s really

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communicating that they aren’t as important to us as we think we should be to

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them. And that’s something that I think all of us struggle with.

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The, the media that’s coming at us, the pressures to

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keep up, a lot of which are self imposed, are

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really hard to get past. So, you know, focusing on the

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relationships that are there, and that includes your marriage. We spend a

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lot of time talking about marriages. In fact, we have a heart school

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parents intensive that’s just getting started. Well, the next

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round is just getting started. And we spend a ton of time just

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trying to shore up marriages because if you’re not focusing

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on that relationship, none of the others are going to be as good.

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Yep, agreed. Agreed. And teaching our kids to have relationships by us

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having a relationship with them will take them so much further into their adult

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life. Because you watch these kids today and they don’t know how to have relationships

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with one another, with their peers. Right. You know, they’re, I mean, you’ll see a

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group of kids sitting at a table eating dinner and they’re

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all on their phones. You know, it’s so weird to me. And

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so, yeah, yes, they. We need to set that example and, and we’re not

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perfect at it. You know, we’re still learning. It’s so weird because

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I feel like even though phones and social media have been around

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for many years now, I feel like we’re

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still trying to kind of navigate what that looks like and what the

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effects are going to be of it with our kids. And so it’s

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tough. We oftentimes in our family have to, like, you know,

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reset and go, okay, we’re spending way too much time on our phones. It’s time

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to put them down and just communicate with each other, with our

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voices, not with. Through texting. And honestly,

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we have found that the chief offenders have been David and

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I. Our kids have a much healthier view of tech and handle

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on their tech, probably because they had rules on them. We didn’t

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have the same rules on it. Right, right. But we are the ones that God

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often impresses. You’re out of line again. You’re out of line again. And

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when he does, we have a great opportunity to say, God is convicting us

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and to come to them and say what we’re doing wrong. Again,

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discipleship moment there. So God is in all of

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these details, and his plan is so good for families and so perfect when we

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just fall in line with it. Yeah. Amen. All right, we have time for one

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more. Let’s talk about one more benchmark. Great. The next one is

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realizing your potential as a parent. Everything that you hear

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is downgrading to parents. You know, all the tv shows, I wouldn’t

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want to have most of the sitcom parents because they’re

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doofuses. They’re just not good

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people a lot of times. But God put you,

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whether by birth or by choice, God put your family together. You are

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the perfect parent for that child. And even secular

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research backs up when I’ve got a study in the Hart school book that talks

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about how the University of Madison, Wisconsin, released this, I

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believe. But when they studied public schools and they

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said the single greatest indicator of a child’s success academically

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was the level of involvement of their parents. So even.

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Even if your kids are in a public school, it’s still you

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that has the greatest impact on them from an academic standpoint. And that doesn’t

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even touch emotional, spiritual, social, all those other things.

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So recognizing your potential and not

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trying to parent by fear. I’m so afraid I’m gonna mess up. I’m so afraid

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I’m gonna lose them. I’m so afraid I’m gonna do something stupid. But rather

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parenting by faith, recognizing that God put your family together,

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you are the parent. And trusting as you’re walking, drawing closer

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to him, like we talked about earlier, that he’s going to grow you in a

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way and be faithful to grow your family. Yeah. Yep. Trust in the Lord with

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all your heart and lean not on your own. Understanding and hard

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parenting is hard. We’re not going to have all the answers. We’re not going to

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do it perfectly. But when we trust the Lord, he does it

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with us and for us. I mean, he goes before us and he helps guide

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us and lead us, and, you know, we’re still going to follow. We’re still going

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to make mistakes, and that’s okay. And you talk about going back to your kids

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and asking for forgiveness. We had to do that many, many times. And that’s

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okay. You know, they understand that we’re not perfect, but being humble enough to

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do that, I think, speaks volumes to our kids. So that they can go, okay,

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yeah, we know mom and dad aren’t perfect, but there is one who is perfect,

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and he is the one who is guiding us. So, so much good stuff. All

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right, we’ve got more to talk about, but we are out of time. We will

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be back tomorrow to continue this conversation with Leslie. Tell our

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people one more time where they can find you. Absolutely.

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I would love to for you to find us teachthemdiligently.net. We’re

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also on all the social medias. Either @TeachThemDiligently or

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@TeachDiligently, but we would love to connect with you in all of

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those places. All right, thank you so much. Stay tuned to the very end to

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hear a clip of what’s coming up next on the podcast. And if you guys

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have not yet listened to my husband Garritt’s new podcast, the Thinking

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Dad, check it out. ThinkingDad.net. Or we’ll put a link

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to it in the show notes. And you can find it on any podcast app.

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Or you can find it on our YouTube channel as well. He does his as

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video and audio, just like we do the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast, which, by the

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way, if you don’t know if you’re listening to this and you don’t know

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that you can actually watch these interviews, you can watch them on YouTube.

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And so subscribe to our YouTube channel and share it with your friends. We love

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you guys. Have a great rest of your day, and we’ll see you back here

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tomorrow. Bye.