SR 823: Cultivating Harmony: Homeschooling, Ministry, and Family Unity – Abby Joy, Part 2

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As a homeschooler, I often look at these other examples on

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YouTube or homeschool moms in other places, and they’re talking about

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their schedules and their routines. And as a ministry

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partner, wife like schedules and routines. What are you talking

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about? Hey, everyone, this is Yvette Hampton. Welcome

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back to the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast. I am back with my new friend, Abby

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Joy, and I am so glad you are back with us. We are going to

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talk today about a few things, but one of the things we’re going to talk

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about is homeschooling and being part of ministry. She is a

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pastor’s wife, and so I know whether you’re a pastor’s wife or you’re someone

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who’s involved in ministry in another way, that can add just a whole

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different element of, um, crazy to your

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life and to your family. So we’re going to talk about those things today. But

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before we get back into it, I want to say thank you again to our

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sponsor, BJU Press Homeschool. We are so grateful for our sponsors, you

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guys. We really are. Do you know that without our sponsors, we would not be

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able to do this podcast? And without our sponsors, and without those of

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you who support us financially, we would not be able to do this podcast. So

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we are so thankful for them and for you. If you’re looking for

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a great homeschool curriculum for any grade, any subject, any

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age, check out bjupresshomeschool.com. and they’ve got something

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for you. They will truly equip you for a successful homeschool

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journey, and they’ll give you the tools that you need that are rooted in a

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solid biblical foundation to teach your kids about

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Jesus and point them to Christ in whatever subject it is that you are teaching

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them. So check them out. BJUPressHomeschool.com.

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well, Abby Joy, welcome back to the Schoolhouse Rocked Podcast.

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It is such a joy getting to know you this week. Let’s

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talk about ministry, because you are a pastor’s wife. And

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so I know ministry is a huge part of your world and

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all the things that you do talk about what that looks like

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and maybe bring some encouragement to families,

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because I know a lot of homeschool families are involved in ministry. Yeah.

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So I think when, as a homeschooler, I often look at

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these other examples on YouTube or homeschool moms in

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other places, and they’re talking about their schedules and their routines

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and as a ministry partner wife like

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schedules and routines? What are you talking about? Like, we get people stopping by our

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house randomly all the time, or we get called out to do things.

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And I love doing that. I can’t remember who said it in

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their book, but they talk about putting people before the plan. And that

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is something like, my family has really clung to that before.

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Our homeschool routines or plans or whatever we

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have going on, if there is a ministry need, I mean, that’s part

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of educating our kids, too, right? Like teaching them that people come

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first and being able to serve and being willing to give

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up whatever we were doing to go out and do that. So we

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are incredibly flexible with our

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homeschool routines. And when things happen, and we might

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start early, although as a pastor’s family, we don’t always have to start

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early. So sometimes we might start quite a bit later and that might go

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through the evening with our homeschooling whenever we can get it done. And so we’ve

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kind of leaned into more, even calling it, like, habits. Like, these are the

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habits that we want to have in our day, and then whenever they fit in,

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we get them done. But, yeah, so it’s going to look

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different for everybody in ministry and whatever you have going on, but

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remaining flexible is really important with that. Yeah.

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Do you have a lot of homeschool families in your church? So I’m

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incredibly blessed. And yes, I do.

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In fact, we have so many homeschool families in our church

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that I think some of those that go to public school, like

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the couple that do, they can really feel

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switched. Like, they feel like they’re on the outside. And I have a huge support

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community. That’s a large part of why I want to encourage people online and then

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other places, too, because I know that not everybody has that, and I want

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to be able to help others that need that community. But

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it is a weird balance in our church, too, of, yeah, we homeschool and

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we support homeschooling, and we do believe that if you can do it,

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it is. It is the biblical response

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to raising our children. That being said, there are also

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many situations that that’s not a possibility with,

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because sin has infiltrated our world and we live with

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consequences and other things. That’s not reality for everyone. So we always want

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to, like, show that we still love and support people

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and their choices of education for their family and what

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is right for them. We don’t ever want that to be a dividing thing.

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And so sometimes I think that is something my husband and I really try

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to kind of struggle with, like, because I am known, right, as, like,

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the homeschooler who does, like, the Facebook and the. Or the.

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Not Facebook, the YouTube channel. And then, like, I host homeschool

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retreats. And so is that really, like, who I

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am? No, I’m a Christian first. Right. And I’m your sister in Christ,

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and I want to be there to support you also, but I have been called

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in this way, and so that can get really sticky and

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confusing. Helping people as well. Yeah. Yeah, it

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certainly can. Whether it’s people in your church or your neighbors, you know? And,

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I mean, all you can do is share your story and why God has called

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you to homeschooling and talk about the blessings and the benefits, but at the same

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time, be real about it, you know, as we talked about on Monday, like,

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it’s okay to be real about our struggles. And, you know, one of my

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greatest fears with this podcast is that people will think that I’m this perfect

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homeschool mom and I have it all together. And my girls are, you know, I

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mean, my girls are amazing, but that, you know, they’re. They’re

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academically prepared in every way. And that, you know, sometime, somehow I’m

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this, like, super homeschool mom. And I’m like, nope, we’re

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just regular family, just like you, just like everyone else. And God

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is working in us and through us, just like he is with everyone else. And

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so I’m just being able to. To be real about that. So we’ve had to

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combat that in a lot of ways. Like, people don’t want to be, like, even

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friends with the pastor’s family because, like, you might be held to different

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standards or you’re not good enough or whatever. And, like, we’ve really had

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to try to tear down those walls. Now, we’ve been here for nine years, and

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I would say those walls are pretty well torn down. People know our

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flaws, and I am so thankful for our church family that they still

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love us and are there for us. But that did take

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time to just say, like, we mess up and we do things wrong and be

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embarrassed when we mess up publicly and publicly apologize.

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There’s a lot of humility that comes along

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with being in a pastor’s family if you’re doing it right, and

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also to being a public figure,

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that’s homeschooling, too, right? And admitting. And I think we are called

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to not just share all of the good, but to share some of those background

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things, too. And I’ve kind of used my instagram a little bit like that, more

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so to, like, show, like, hey, here’s what the background looks like, here’s how I

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actually have my camera set up, and here’s why I’m angled this way and not

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that way, and trying to be a little bit more real in

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that. I think as ministry families, too, and because I grew

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up as a pastor’s kid, I realized that people are watching.

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People are always watching. And I knew that

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early on, and I could have gone either direction with it. But

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I really try super hard to be intentional with the things

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that I’m doing, the reasons why I’m doing it. I think families need to be

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really intentional and open with their children on why are you

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doing the things that you are doing? And then, like,

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curriculum that we use. Why are we using that curriculum? Is it something that really

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glorifies God? Is it something that I would encourage others to use?

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Because I get asked all the time from the other moms in our church or

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in our area, what curriculum are you using? And while there’s

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lots of great curriculums out there, there might be some that I wouldn’t

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recommend, too. And I want to be intentional with what

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I am promoting as well, because people are

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always, always watching. Even if you’re not a ministry

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family, people are watching you, and they are observing your family.

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Yeah. Yep. They absolutely are. People watch everything,

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everything that you do. And most importantly, your kids are watching

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everything that you do as well. And they know your heart, right? They

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do. Yeah. Our kids can read us like a book. It’s

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kind of crazy and scary sometimes, you know, that our kids know us

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so well, but the reason they know us so well is because we’re home with

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them. And we often talk about how we get to know our kids so well

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because we homeschool them. But the flip side is true, too. Where our

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kids know us, they know our weaknesses. They know our strengths. They know, you know,

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what makes mom upset, what makes mom happy. They know all the things.

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And, uh. And so, yeah, it’s. And there’s no point in hiding that. Like,

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no, let’s be real. Let’s share that. Right? Like, oh, mom

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messed up. Like, mom needs to stop and pray for a minute. Hold on a

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second. Like, those are really important things, and those are the things that

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are teaching our children. They see when we’re like, oh, so and so needs

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help again, I have to go help them. Like, no. Like, they need to see

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the authentic. Like, well, this is what we’re called to do. And we want to

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show them the love of God and the grace of God as well.

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And so that authenticity there of, like, your real relationship

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with your father in heaven. Yeah, it’s so important. Yeah,

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absolutely. It is the most important thing. So let’s take a break. We’ll be right

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back. Have you tried CTCMath yet with your

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Discover Apologia today

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Apologia.com. we are back with Abby joy. Abby,

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have you, your family, we talked about ministry before

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the break. Has your family always been called to ministry? I mean, you know,

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you’re a pastor’s daughter and now you’re a pastor’s wife. Did you and your

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husband go into your marriage feeling like you were called to ministry together? Yeah. So

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we actually met at Bible school, and at that time,

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I wasn’t going to marry a pastor, like, pastor’s kid wants to marry a

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pastor. But then I met this guy and he had ticked all the boxes

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and he was on fire for God and he was going to be a pastor.

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And, and actually, we found that we were a really good team together.

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Our, our relationship is really based off of friendship, and

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we were friends for quite a while before we pursued

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anything else. But, yeah, I always knew he was going to go

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into ministry, and I was actually getting a psychology degree, and I wanted to just

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like volunteer, help people and serve and never make money. So that’s

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pretty much ministry, too. And,

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yeah, I just trusted God that like, this was the match and the team that

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we were supposed to be. So we’ve been at our church now for nine

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years. But a couple of years ago, actually, we felt called to go

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into the mission field specifically. And that was a really

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cool situation where my husband was gone with the youth group

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and felt God’s calling there that, like, man,

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missions. I think God’s calling us to missions. I think in the next two

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years, we’re probably going to get that calling. Like, it wasn’t an instant calling. I

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was just like, I need to have my heart open to this. He came back

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from that trip. I hadn’t been with him. We hadn’t really talked because, you know,

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teenagers and late nights and everything. And when he

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told me that, I was like, no way. God told me the same thing while

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you were gone, like, oh, wow, it is coming. And

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so, like, a year went by, another half a year, and

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I started getting a little antsy. I was really excited. I have families

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that my grandparents were missionaries, and I kind of always

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thought maybe there would be something there and started pursuing that route.

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And we got hooked up with an organization.

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And from the very beginning, I specified, like, hey,

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we homeschool. We want to go overseas. Like, we’re definitely

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looking for a country that would allow us to homeschool

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where we can minister as a family

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and be involved and help wherever we are needed. We don’t want to go to,

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like, the popular hotspots. Like, we want to go where there’s

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actually a need. And so that was going really

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well. Nine months into it, we were starting to sell things off because,

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because we’d been in ministry so long, we were able to, like,

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expedite the process quite a bit. And

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everything was going well. Yeah, we were, like, selling stuff off. We were getting prepared.

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We met all of our, like, yep, check that, check that.

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All of the interviews approved, and then they said,

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okay, so actually, though, you can’t homeschool the first two

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years because we need you to, like, be deeply involved in learning the language,

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and you’re not gonna have time, you’re not gonna have your kids, right?

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And so they need to go off to school somewhere else, whether that’s,

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like a local school where they would be taught by Muslims, or an

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international school where they wouldn’t necessarily learn the language and they just hang out with

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other international kids. Or you could, like, send them to a boarding school.

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And my husband and I were just like, no, this isn’t the plan. What do

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you mean? And so we understood, like, oh, they don’t really know

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what homeschooling looks like. They don’t really understand this. Okay. So we wrote our

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petitions for that, and we went through a

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lot of process for about another two to three months

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trying to convince, like, no, we can make this work. This is what we feel

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called to please work with us. And this. And the end

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result was that they said, look, we accept your family, but we’re not going

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to accept homeschooling for those first two years after that. You

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can, but there’s so much that’s going on in those two years, especially when you’re

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moving to a new country and changing everything in your kids, how. Scary

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that would be for your kids. Yeah. And, like, that’s not teaching them that we’re

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part of a team and, like, you’re included in this

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ministry with us. And my husband and I just had to say no.

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And there were more things that went into that, too, but

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that was really one. I mean, there was broken trust. Right. We’d gone through this

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process for nine months and then they told us about this policy.

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Wow. But, like, I think also there, what it

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really showed me during that time was how much even christians

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don’t understand homeschooling. They don’t understand

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or value having your children home with

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you and the ministry that you can do as a family, raising your children up

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in the ways of the Lord, the calling

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to raising our children and educating them from home in

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God’s ways, there’s just such a disconnect in some

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of that. And so I think a large part of, like, why I wanted to

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continue YouTube, but take it in this direction of family style

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and sharing more of what we do with homeschooling was to

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show, like, it doesn’t take 8 hours

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and it is very involving, like, with our

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family. And I don’t know. So it was just, it was a really

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heartbreaking time and we needed healing after that. And then

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God changed a lot of circumstances in our lives. My father in law moved

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near us. There were other things that happened and

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God really blessed. Like, we remained faithful where

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we were, and we just saw a lot of great things happen,

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too. And we haven’t re felt that calling. We did say, like, after a while

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we might, like, pursue that again if we felt called to it. We haven’t felt

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that calling at this point. The door is not closed, but we just feel a

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really big piece about where we are and how God is currently using us.

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It’s so interesting because I think oftentimes in our lives,

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God will call us to do something, and he’s just calling us to

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obedience. Right. It’s like Abraham sacrificing Isaac.

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Right. He just called him to be obedient. And then the

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Lord said, you know, that’s not actually the plan, but I just want you to

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be obedient. What I’m asking you to do. And so for you and

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your husband, he was saying, okay, this is. I’m calling you to do

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this. I want you to be obedient to me. You did that.

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And then he took a bit of a different turn, you know, with a lot

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of a different turn, um, with the plan. And you know what? That’s God’s prerogative.

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That is his right. Um, and when you’re following him, there’s. There’s so

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much peace on either end of it. You had peace about going on the

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mission field. Yeah, but how

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amazing that you went through all this process. I’m sure he taught you

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a ton of stuff through it. I’m sure it was a really hard process to

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go through, especially when you had to pull the plug and say, uh uh, we’re

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not doing this, because. And then I’m certain that God gave you peace

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about having your family unified and being together as a

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family and keeping your family intact that way. Yeah.

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And that verse that you were talking about with Abraham sacrificing

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Isaac. Right, like, that one so often gets

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used wrong. Like, sacrifice your children on the altar of ministry.

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I can’t believe people say that. Like, that’s not

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a thing. Like, you are told over and over and over again,

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like, to care for your children, to raise them in the ways of the Lord,

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to. I mean, Ephesians talks about your relationship with your

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children, right. And your children to your parents, and, like, that’s not a

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thing. And yet it still is continually brought up

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like, well, somebody else can raise your kids, but you’re gonna go

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do ministry, right? Yeah. No, no,

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no. God gave you your kids for you to be the one to raise them

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up in fear and admonition of him, the Lord.

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Absolutely. No one else is going to do it like you. I mean, it’s missionary

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or not. No children like you, right? No one. God gave you

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your children. You are qualified to raise them like they’re

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yours. Nobody is a student of your children like you. Nobody loves them like you

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do. Like. That’s right. Absolutely not. No, no. I’m right there with

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you. So let’s talk about family unity real quick, because as you

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as a family have learned to be unified, you know, you and your husband, of

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course, are first unified in your decisions that you’re making, whether to pastor or

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go on the mission field or not go on the mission field, your decision to

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homeschool. But then you bring your four boys into your

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world of ministry, into your world of homeschooling and

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serving and all of those things. How can you encourage

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families to be unified in the things that they’re doing and to know what God

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is calling them to do as a family? So this is something I talk about

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a lot on the maid to homeschool platform. If you go over there, there’s

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a whole community that membership to become part of. And then on every

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Tuesday, I kind of gear conversation towards this because it’s so much

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of my heart. One of the first things that we tackled, though, was, yeah, how

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do you develop family unity? Like, what. What is the main thing you’re

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going after? And so if you’ve ever been on a sports team or you’ve gone

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on a short terms missions trip, right, like, you suddenly get really united with

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those people and you feel, like, really connected because you’re all going for the same

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goal. You all have the same and in mind. And

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so as we have our children join us, we are

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very vocal on what we’re doing. Now, some of that’s already

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laid out for us in the Bible. Like, our family vision is to

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love God, love others, and to make disciples of

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all nations. Right? Like, those are commands in the Bible. Like, that’s a very

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basic thing. So that’s like our overall, then we have our family

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mission, and my husband and I feel very called to

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family ministries. Now, we might go about that a little bit different

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in, like, what we’re doing day to day, whether I’m on YouTube or he’s

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in the pulpit. But we are continually spurring

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one another on. We’re looking for opportunities as a family to help

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develop family unity in other places, and we bring our kids along with that.

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So we’ve done a lot of marital counseling, premarital

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counseling, and there’s been times when we’ve had to tell our boys, like, hey, this

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is something that we do as a family, and they have kids. Like,

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we need you to play with their kids. Even if they’re, like, significantly younger than

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you or whatever’s going on, you guys get to play with them. While mom and

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dad have these conversations or doing other things,

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we do breadwalks in our community. We do.

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Oh, I love. There’s a ministry that we represent at a

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local craft show. There’s ways that we’re going out and doing things

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as a family, and we bring our kids into that and show them how this

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fits in to, like, our family mission and what we want to do.

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Yeah. And they feel like part of the team. Kids want to know

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that they are valuable, right? Like, that you aren’t just, like,

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serving them. Like, the world isn’t about them. The world’s about

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God and bringing him glory. And we invite our kids to do that with us.

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And. Yeah. So sometimes, like, even with, like, chores or we call

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them helping hands time, like, our family

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works together. You’re part of this family. That’s a blessing. You get to

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help out with this. And. And so we’re just very verbal on,

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like, what we are doing together, why we are doing it, and we’re

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very intentional about those things. It’s such a great way to raise

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kids today because I feel like so many, so many people

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have grown up to be narcissists in a lot of ways,

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and I see more and more of that, and I’m like,

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you just want to shake them and say, it’s not all about you, you know?

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But when we bring our kids into ministry, when we’re unified as a

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family, and when we’re serving the Lord together, it really does help them to understand

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that it’s not all about them. You know, some of it is about them. Some

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of life is about them. We have to focus on them, too. But it’s not

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all about them. It’s all about Jesus. And what is he calling

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us to do as a family? So I think that is just a fantastic way

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to teach our kids how to serve. Yeah. I

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asked some families one of my favorite things to do when I find a family

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that I really respect, and I’ve seen their children grow up, and I love

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to ask, like, what was your secret sauce? Like, what did you do? And

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I’ve gotten different answers throughout the years that have been really fun to get

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to talk about and dive into. But one of my favorite answers was that

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we included them in service. And so whether

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they’re all serving at the church at the same event and they’re, like, together as

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a family participating in children’s

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ministry, or we host a Thanksgiving meal for free in our

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community at our church, and so the kids will serve that Thanksgiving meal while

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the parents are helping to make it or going to something

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like feed my serving children or these other things, like bringing them along and

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serving others. And it’s so important.

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And I do think that there is a lot there with teaching

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our kids that it’s not about them, but they are

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invited, and they are included in the family. And when they become a

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Christian, they don’t receive a mini Holy Spirit. Right. They are a

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Christian. They get the whole thing, too. And so not

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belittling their thoughts on things, too, like, asking them questions. What do you

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think about the. And how. How. What stuck out to you with

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the sermon today and having those conversations and letting them feel

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valued in that. Yeah, that’s powerful. It is.

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It’s so much fun. I love parenting. It’s so much fun. It’s so fun that

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we get to do this with our kids. Oh, doesn’t it break your heart when

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people say, like, I could never homeschool or I could never be with my kids

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all day? I think 2020 broke my heart when people were just like, when did

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they get to go back to school? No. Oh, my goodness. They’re my best friends.

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Look, it’s so much fun. Yeah, well, I have a whole theory on that.

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And my. I have said this for years and years. People who

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say that they don’t want to be with their kids because their kids drive them

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crazy, it’s because they’re not the ones raising their kids. Their kids are being raised

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by a school system that, for the most part, if they’re in public school,

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hates God and hates families. And then you wonder why you don’t like your

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kids because you’re not the one raising them most of the time.

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And so, um, raise your kids. Raise them to love Jesus. Raise

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them to, you know, be part of your family culture and

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serve as a family. I mean. I mean, there just are so many benefits to

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homeschooling. So we’re going to talk more about those benefits when we come back tomorrow.

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We are out of time. Abby, tell our listeners one more time where they can

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find you. Yeah, you can find me on family style learning on

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YouTube, Bear Hill Adventures on YouTube. A little bit

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instagram made to homeschool. Okay. All the places.

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I’ll put all those notes, all those in the show notes, so you guys can

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find them easily. Stay tuned to the very end to hear what’s coming up next

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on the podcast. And if you have not left a review for the Schoolhouse Rocked

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00:25:09,932 –> 00:25:13,692
Podcast, would you please, please, please, pretty please, with sprinkles and

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00:25:13,708 –> 00:25:16,644
a cherry and whipped cream on top? Would you please take just a few minutes

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00:25:16,684 –> 00:25:20,384
and leave a review? Let people know why they should listen to it. And

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if you are watching this on YouTube, comments on there, we try

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to respond to those as quickly and as often as we can. But

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we love to know how the podcast is being a blessing to you

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and just how we can better serve you. We are here to

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serve you and to be a blessing to you. So we love you guys. Have

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a great rest of your day and we will see you back here tomorrow. Bye.

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So when we’re looking at education in light of eternity, one thing I

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think we need to stop asking when we look at curriculums

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is does it meet state standards or

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how am I going to fulfill these different things? Like who cares?

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Who cares? Okay, if you live in a state where you have to, like,

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we’ve got creative ways to do that, sure. But like,

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that’s not my end goal. My citizenship is in heaven, right? My children,

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I want their citizenship to be in heaven. And so the things that are most

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important to me are that they learn about their creator. And yes, we’re going

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to learn history because God wove that whole story.

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That’s right. And we’re going to learn about science. But let’s understand

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like God’s creativity in that. And even

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math, like apologia, math generations

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math. I like life, Fred. It doesn’t necessarily teach about God, but I

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love wordy maths that explain to you why you need to

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know something in a practical sense. Apologia in generations really teach

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God and how he used math and uses math to

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set order to things. It is so cool. There are so many

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great options out there. Why would you settle for something

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that leaves God out of the picture? God is in every picture.

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He is part of it all.